Over the summer when I was getting a lot of flack, I got even more flack for suggesting that I am not accountable to 30,000+ strangers on the internet, instead I am accountable to my comrades and friends and people actually *in* my community.

I can’t believe I almost gave into the absurdity of believing that people who have known me for YEARS’s opinions are on the same level of a random who found me online probably by accident.

But this is a common line of thinking: you follow someone online, therefore you are in community with them, therefore they know every single thing about you, therefore you must explain or apologize for every single thing. You must perform accountability out of fear.

During the weekend of a traumaversary someone took the time to send me a message about the things they think are wrong with me, and how I feel about myself. Mind you, we have never met. But because we followed each other online she thought we were friends.

I have a lot of strategies that have really helped me move through this. Many were developed through talking to close comrades, my partner, my therapist, and also talking through things with @noname and @prisonculture and other people frequently projected on.

1. You really *really* have to get used to being disliked. And not in theory. But like you actually just have to accept that no matter what you do, people will dislike you.
2. But you also have to learn how to love yourself despite this. You have to know who you are.

3. You have to discern between genuine feedback and critique, and straight up projection and jealousy. You can do that by recognizing patterns, doing gut checks with friends you know to be honest, journaling, and reflecting.

I’m always trying to get better and I know I’m not perfect. Each day is a chance for me to do better. I accept critique because of that. I do not trick myself into thinking I’m *deserving* of harassment or harm, despite others thinking I may be.

Anyways, all of this gets easier with age as well. As I get older it’s just easier to not give a fuck, to only spend time on friendships where I feel fulfilled and respected, and to realize I will most likely never meet my haters from the internet.