Omg the couple on the table near me are on a first hinge date and he just said to her ..
'you know you look like somebody I used to date'
NO BRO NO!!

He's guessing her age this will not end well

His mom is into astrology so he's guessing her sign and is highly confident he already knows her. So far he's had four guesses and all wrong

She's talking about herself and he interrupts: 'Can I just ask you something? Just so we can get there faster.'

Reading my book has now gone out of the window this is way more entertaining

COVID IS OFF THE TABLE . He's decided : no covid chat.

But.. he wants to 'quickly say something and then move on'

Oh they're bonding over their hatred of Parisians so I guess that's something

Oh they both love Nashville and Austin guys maybe this is salvageable

I think I'm girl crushing on her. She doesn't want kids + solo travels and just said : 'you would have to want kids more than anything else because you're giving up everything to have them'

I stan

Oop he's had covid everyone and so is telling her she's totally safe because he can't possibly have it again

I may have to order another glass of wine to see how this ends

He's eating a very sloppy burger and even I'm looking away

He says she should go into modelling because she still has her looks

Had to move to a table with a heater bc sometimes it does get chilly in LA but dw I picked a table where I could still hear

Also ordered fries for sustenance

She's been doing hair for 20 years wants to start her own business. He's advising. He's just said 'whatever road you go down I'll do something for you'

He's gonna direct her in a photoshoot everyone.
She is, in his words, 'the epitome of business'

SHES GONE TO THE LOO WILL SHE RETURN

A quick glance confirms she has NOT left any belongings at the table

He's taking the chance to loudly blow his nose into a fabric napkin

She best come back I just ordered fries and another glass of wine

SHE BACK.
he says 'ahhhh' as if even he is relieved of her return

He just asked these questions :
So why aren't you married ?
Do you hate men? Because a lot of women hate men.
Are you fussy?

Man nearby on another date is laughing loudly so now I can't hear . SHUT UP

Oop here we go. He's getting out dog pictures.

His dog is a sensitive motherfucker.

Not surprised tbh

Ok she loves his dog. Maybe there's still hope ?

Good news : man with loud laugh is leaving so I have clear airwaves from now on

Oh his dog is a rescue my cold heart is thawing

Ok they're swapping dog stories. She has a dog too, who's recently been depressed, but he says his dog would never get along with another so HOW WILL THIS EVER WORK

Their dogs names are Jag and Brady everyone think that's a match made in heaven

Woah he does not drink caffeine.
Oh he's used to 'pushing weights' and that's why he's not sleeping well.
They're bonding over not being able to go to the gym

Her body language has changed ! No more knee up and foot on chair now she's waay more relaxed maybe she's warming to him?

He just said he used to be a personal trainer and now I'm subtly squinting to see if I can see muscles thru his denim shirt (I have terrible eyesight so it's definitely not subtle )

The waiter has just asked if I want another glass of wine. I've had two. This place is not cheap! I confessed I'm eavesdropping on the date and she's like, I think you should have another

Honestly I feel I could just go sit at their table and I'd could totally join in the convo without skipping a beat

THE BILL / CHECK HATH COMETH

Her legs back up on the chair, knee up and arms crossed in her lap. He's leaning forward, giggling

I've completely abandoned my book. It's actually a great book. Side plug :

They just abruptly left ! WHAT

She said, apropos of NOTHING: I've got to go I'm walking home I live like a block away

He said, scrabbling for his keys: I've got to go check on my dog

And that's it. That's the thread.