Can we just take a night off from this exhausting, vitriolic election that I’m not even allowed to talk about and talk about The Vow instead? One night.

I get it. The Post wrote a false story. The same people who devoted hundreds of words to a rumor that I was in a romantic relation with Tom Hiddleston got a thing wrong. Not as interesting/unpredictable as The Vow.

Added bonus if you include your preferred title. I vacillate between Provost and Slugger.

I do wish I was rich enough to get recruited by a cult. There's fuck-you rich; then there's cults-recruit-me rich and I guess I'm just a climber at heart. In fact, that would be my honorary. Climber.

Has anyone made this joke yet: This is nuts! N-X-I-V-M nuts!

This thing on?