Hours to go before 𝗆̶𝗒̶ ̶𝖾̶𝗑̶𝖾̶𝖼̶𝗎̶𝗍̶𝗂̶𝗈̶𝗇̶ the #LovecraftCountry finale I have a few things to get off my chest concerning #ChristinaBraithwhite, our Skinny White Witch in Residence. Not to worry, I am still swimming rather expertly in a little river called De Nile™

Oh, you thought my foolishness ended at #rubybaptiste ? With Christina just sitting there? Not a chance. Get in losers. This clown car is big enough for all! Granted, it's heading off a cliff in a thunderstorm with the top down, but spacious, yes?

Christina's first official act on screen is literally saving our heroes from racist ass firemen (?) and then stepping out of her custom luxury vehicle in the finest of garments. An aesthetic I can get behind, but there's ominous music, so I'm treading lightly here, folks.

Enter William, the hypiest of hype men. My dude is all, "Ms. Braithwhite does car commercials in Japan" and "Ms. Braithwhite's hair is insured for $10,000." But his face is too symmetrical, so he is not to be trusted... for now.

Basically, Ardham is just William giving us exposition realness and Christina going full emo teenager. She saves them a lot. Don't argue. She crashed a car, call of her puppies twice, restored memories and gave Tic a pep talk that brought the house down.

So, at this point I have two choices. Either live the good life and accept Christina as the villain or I can jump in this hand basket heading to Hell.

Side note for the str8s: One thing us queer folks gon' do is make this wrong decision EVERY. DAMN. TIME. ENTHUSIASTICALLY.

Christina then follows the crew and proceeds to tell everyone everything.

To Tic: *downloads http://ancestry.com  files*
To Leti: I need Hiram's orrery for my master plan. Tic tried to shoot me & Men Ain't Shit, sis.

She's singing like a canary in a juke joint w/an open tab.

In spite of this, no one talks to her about anything. To be fair, they aren't talking to anyone...not even each other. They have all decided to be fearful of her and her magic, but also not even discuss said magic, events or make a plan (they're in De Nile: part deux) Which...

Tina takes a break from truth-telling to throw on some play clothes and run around with the neighborhood children. And honestly, a cold hearted bitch that plays tag with the babies? What's not to love? Note: I am fully aware of my dumbfuckery at this point. Leave me be.

Lancaster steals Chrissy (yes, she's Chrissy now) and says what we are all thinking.

C: I'm going to get the orrery, find the time machine and take over this lodge
L: You've got some nerve saying that to my face.

Yes, one might say she has a huge set of balls on her

They're William's balls. Yes, #1 Hype Man of All Time is back. And hitting on Ruby. Repeatedly. Rhythmically and aggressively on any/every surface hitting on Ruby. I have thoughts and feelings about this. There is a thread. Go read it.

Here is a good place to stop and point out that I had no idea about Christilliam. I was completely blindsided by the writers in the best possible way. So, thank you @MishaGreen ...even though there hasn't been a kiss or even on screen hand holding.

William started morphing and I knew. Unlike Ruby who, in spite of shedding Hilary all over Chicago, was confused by cracking bones & rolling skin. Which seems a little odd for someone so no nonsense, but what do I care about logic at this point. So, let's get rid of it, shall we?

Captain's log 9.13.20: I begin to drink before, during and after the 9 o'clock hour Sunday. I have to rewatch every episode on Monday morning too, which leads to more angst and drinking. The cycle continues. If not for my newly acquired quarantine liver, this would be a problem.

Episode 5 with new eyes, is basically Willina being all, "so, what are we?" but with bubble baths and fine linens.

Will: I see you left the $, any particular reason? Like love, maybe?

Christina: If you really like him *searches eyes* you'll do this thing.

Ruby: *does thing*

Now that the SWWiR's big secret is out, she begs Ruby to stay, Ruby wants the truth. And we all know revealing her nefarious plan is Christina's #1 villain super power and fav pastime. So she spills the T. At this point Ruby probably knows about Montrose/Sammy.

Now, I'm not sure about the technicalities behind this lesbia-bi-terosexual nonsense, but I have already drowned Logic and restrained Reason, so I'm not questioning explosion sex. I am only seeing opposites attracting and respecting one another, not my impending doom.

On to the race conversation and Ruby is not happy. Which, same. Ever the little sociopath SWWiR decides on trying out empathy (?) her brutal murder is the only way. Instead of, I don't know, talking to her family which is 100% black people w/black experiences at this point.

The other thing that is super important in this episode is that Christina gets EVERYTHING she needs. All puzzle pieces are in place and she still wants Ruby. So, a big FU to everyone who insists that she is using our girl.

Y'all got to #rubybaptiste because she got the same questions too. And Chrissy, ever the open book for her babe, answers them.

not using you
definitely going to kill your sister's baby daddy
your sister is safe

Ruby is cool and they go together now...

Me: Wow, this is a great time for some physical intimacy.
LC Writers: No kissing, but they can hold hands...
.
.
.
... off screen.

Me:

Bottom line: They love each other and I just want these ladies to kill their redhead and live an immortal life of overthrowing systems of oppression all over the globe. And honestly, Tic is a small price to pay for their happy ending.

The odds of #ChristinaBraithwhite or #RubyBaptiste being shot by a gun that hasn't been invented yet are higher than a happy ending. But I've got 3 hours until the #LovecraftCountry finale and De Nile™ waters are lovely this time of day. The drinks are strong too. Signed, a

The Ruby thread for those DMing me. https://twitter.com/nikkitikkitaffi/status/1315673382860578817?s=19