THREAD: The voting intentions of the Royal Family, if they were to vote.

(I was very bored)

1. The Queen - Liberal Democrats.

Reason: She’s tired of the 2-party system and the incompetence it occasionally brings to her weekly Audience. She wants a fresh face and someone “unknown”, like Ed Davey.

2. Prince Philip - Spoils ballot.

Reason: He’s tired of modern Britain and has no hope in its future.

3. Prince Charles - Green Party.

Reason: Hates HS2.

4. Prince Andrew - English Democrats.

Reason: While a fan of this week’s UKIP leader, he feels his vote is better placed in the “immensely popular” English Democrats. Without sweating, he argues the party is “welcoming to all age groups” and ends with a nauseating smile.

5. Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall - Conservative.

Reason: Hopes a vote for the Tories will bring back fox hunting and mass inequality.

6. Prince William - Labour Party.

Reason: He’d otherwise vote LibDem for “open borders” and a “global culture” or something but the wife has told him Starmer’s leadership has potential.

7. Kate, Duchess of Cambridge - Labour.

Reason: Keir Starmer’s dull tone excites her. Britain’s in for a treat with him at the helm, she argues.

8. Princess Anne - Conservative.

Reason: Believes the government ought to balance their books, fiscal conservatism can only occur under a Tory government she says.

9. Prince Harry - Communist Party of Britain.

Reason: Believes the U.K. needs radical change - and he’s prepared to offer his head in the event of revolution.

10. Meghan, Duchess of Sussex - Green Party.

Reason: Must prove to Disney that she cares about the elephants she commentates. A purely tactical vote, and it succeeds.