Read on Twitter
How to Cope with a Daily Sense of Impending Doom, a Twitter Thread
CW: cancer, loss, maternal illness
CW: cancer, loss, maternal illness
When I was in my late 30s, I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. I was told I had a 10% chance of being alive in 5 years if the treatment didn't work (and it didn't for everyone). My kids were 3, 7, and 10 at the time.
To make all of the abstractness of a cancer diagnosis more concrete, I had lost my beloved stepbrother to a different aggressive cancer less than a year prior to my own diagnosis. I have known people who are able to cope through optimism/denial, but that was not an option for me.
Every single day for the first 6 months of treatment -- which made me sick, fatigued, lose my hair, get a lot of painful side effects (my onc called me the Side Effect Queen) -– I wondered if I would see my kids grow up.
I did morbid calculations about the potential last age I might know them. I wondered about their lives without me after that point. It was horrible.
Mind you, I am not an anxious person by nature. I am not a worrier. But this set of circumstances made me one.
Mind you, I am not an anxious person by nature. I am not a worrier. But this set of circumstances made me one.
I worked hard to find my grounding amidst all of this uncertainty. Honestly, you will never ever hear the words "cancer was a gift" come out of my mouth (f*** cancer), but I admit that I learned how to cope with gut wrenching uncertainty. I want to share some of those lessons.
1. Joy is not optional.
Joy is what connects us to this world and reminds us what we stand for. It doesn't have to be elaborate, and a lot of things are off the table during this pandemic. But it can be a phone call with a friend or spending 20 minutes in nature.
Joy is what connects us to this world and reminds us what we stand for. It doesn't have to be elaborate, and a lot of things are off the table during this pandemic. But it can be a phone call with a friend or spending 20 minutes in nature.
2. Give yourself grace.
When your mind is processing unprecedented stress, when you are coping with terrible uncertainty, you lose focus. You cannot measure your current ability to do anything by your past performances. Be as kind to yourself as you would to a dear friend.
When your mind is processing unprecedented stress, when you are coping with terrible uncertainty, you lose focus. You cannot measure your current ability to do anything by your past performances. Be as kind to yourself as you would to a dear friend.
3. Let go of things that harm you.
A lot of us deal with toxic people or commitments as something we have to do to get by. As much as possible, minimize the things that drain you in that way. Cut them out entirely if possible. If you feel bad, see #2.
A lot of us deal with toxic people or commitments as something we have to do to get by. As much as possible, minimize the things that drain you in that way. Cut them out entirely if possible. If you feel bad, see #2.
PS that was all 11 years ago, and I am here. The "good" thing (ha!) about some aggressive cancers is that you can get out of the common recurrence windows more quickly, and the recurrence rate graph approaches zero after 10 years.
