shame and vulnerability in #DoYouLikeBrahms, a non-, stan thread

why show's beautiful portrayal of the above theme made me realize show is next level, top 5 (haha too soon?)

but first a word on shame. author brene brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” she talks about it in one of the most popular TED talks @

and according to brene, shame is different for women and men. women are ashamed of not meeting societal expectations, while men are ashamed of looking weak. see https://amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/275322/. what makes #DoYouLikeBrahms unique then is that the shame of most of the characters is shown

first JY is ashamed of the pain and medications required for him to play the piano, of his debt-ridden, foundation-dependent parents and of his lingering feelings for JK, his bff's ex-gf. he struggles to tell SA all this and refuses to do simon's reality show #DoYouLikeBrahms

SA is ashamed of not being talented enough to be a musician and JY's gf, and of letting her parents down with her wrong decision to go to music school. she struggles to tell everyone (including JY) all this #DoYouLikeBrahms

brene says there's a cure for shame: vulnerability, which she defines as "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure," such as the willingness to say something like "i love you" first. #DoYouLikeBrahms is amazing at showing the characters at all different levels of vulnerability

in a gorgeous moment in #DoYouLikeBrahms ep4, JY became vulnerable to SA about his struggles with piano competitions, saying he'd "rather die" than do them (yet was not vulnerable to the students). because of JY's shocking vulnerability, SA immediately felt closer to him

and JY was again vulnerable to SA in #DoYouLikeBrahms ep11, boldly revealing his issues with his parents and making SA so touched she shares about her prof's brooch. the daejeon day trip will always be a shining example of how vulnerability eases shame and brings connection

perhaps JY's prior vulnerability was forced out due to context of concert and meeting mom. cause in #DoYouLikeBrahms ep14, JY freezes at the chance to be vulnerable about JK. notice his slight anger and defensiveness (for the 1st time!) after SA accuses him of lingering feelings

SA's issue is a bit different in that she often is and yearns to be vulnerable. she said "i like you" first. but by #DoYouLikeBrahms ep14, she sadly loses all of her outlets to talk to, as she waits for MS and DY to recover and as JY is too busy suppressing the truth of his shame

which leads to the emo #DoYouLikeBrahms breakup. in some ways, it isn't all about JY being stuck on JK, Traumerei. it's also about JY being so preoccupied with his vulnerability that he hasn't been there for SA's vulnerability. for JY to say "lean on me" is thus laughable

as for other #DoYouLikeBrahms characters, JK shows vulnerability for her shame of having a tough relationship with mom, for being jealous of and kissing JY that night in NYC, for being with HH all those years when she liked JY. BUT she uses her vulnerability to manipulate JY

HH is being mr. vulnerable for his shame of being average, even over sharing with random people like SA and DY. HH is even sensitive to JK's vulnerabilities, unlike JY is to SA recently. too bad the woman HH loves is an ice queen who could care less #DoYouLikeBrahms

MS and DY are ashamed of their fling, but for diff reasons: MS for liking DY even though DY and SA liked each other; DY for liking SA and failing to tell SA and MS. that's why their reunion was so touching. when SA was most vulnerable, they were there for her #DoYouLikeBrahms

it's said that "breakups lead to makeups." in #DoYouLikeBrahms SA showing her vulnerability to JY during their breakup can be considered good, as SA building a bridge to JY. he has to cross that bridge with words. but for now, he will take a step with what's most comfy: music.

and i can't effing wait to watch it with you all. SO EXCITED!!! IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!! -out #DoYouLikeBrahms #DoYouLikeBrahmsep15