My eldest is #DiagnosedAutistic and this is how it went, within the school system (posted with consent)
1. He was distressed from the day he arrived at school
2. They blamed his behaviour on the fact I let him watch Batman cartoons. They literally said that.
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3. He did things like: tell them they were unfair to make him ask for permission to go to loo
4. He would argue back when they told him he couldn’t leave his seat without permission
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5. He told them he hated their rewards and strike system - if you were good, your name went on the “Happy Side” of the whiteboard with a smily face, if you were deemed bad, you went on the “Sad Side” with a sad face
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6. He would have meltdowns at lunchtime because of the smell and overwhelming crowds in the lunch hall. They didn’t let him eat anywhere else
7. He would get in arguments with older kids being mean to younger kids
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8. He would hold hands with and hug his friend, get called homophobic slurs, and end up in fights. The school never addressed it
9. He rescued a boy from an ableist attack in the boys bathroom. He told a teacher. They told me he was alienating himself by being a tell tale
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10. In distress, he would try to hug the teacher and get told off because this was deemed inappropriate
11. His passion has always been swords, battle ships, tanks, and fighter planes. They told me his interest in war was wrong, rather than encouraging an interest in history
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12. He was overwhelmed at playtime, needed social support and somewhere quiet to retreat to. He was never given any help
13. He ended up climbing under a gap in the fence and running away from school. They called the police, and told me he was clearly emotionally disturbed
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14. They referred him to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) and told them he was emotionally disturbed and it was a parenting issue
15. The 2nd CAMHS worker we saw immediately sensed it was a “social communication need”
16. A year later he was diagnosed
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17. The school made minimal accommodations that depended entirely on the good grace/mood of the class teacher, and they continued to ignore my requests for help with his reading and writing

18. We removed him from school to home educate him when he was 8 years old.

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This isn’t an unusual story. I’ve spoken to so many parents over the years, who have ND children who suffered at school but were blamed for their difficulties, and gaslighted into thinking they were in the wrong.

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If we’d not met that CAMHS worker who had a personal interest and professional knowledge in autism, no one at that school would have suggested it. They were woefully lacking in vital knowledge and insight, and crucially: empathy

The school got “Good” in their OFSTED report

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He is happily out of school now, and attends a local community college for part time classes to help him get GCSEs

End

In fact, there’s more:
My kid is going to grow up to be exactly the kind of so-called “high functioning” adult that autism parents spend their time berating and bullying on here and elsewhere, for championing neurodiversity
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And yet when you read his school experiences, and the lack of support he received, his access requirements and needs are obvious and undeniable. His ability to talk, his broad vocabulary, his ability to argue back meant he was seen as badly behaved
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Rather than someone in need of care, love and access.

This is exactly how #ActuallyAutistic adults on Twitter, elsewhere online, and in the world are often seen and characterised
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And this notion isn’t just an autistic experience, it effects all sorts of disabled people. If you can self-advocate, and ask for access, then you’re seen as trouble, annoying, demanding.

But we shouldn’t have to ask.