I would like to take a moment to remember the worst birthday highlights:
5 years old- clown hired for party showed up wasted, one of my family members dressed up, I recognized his voice and the illusion was shattered for me forever. I also had my bike stolen by a first that day

7 years old- mom said “fuck your birthday we are going to throw a halloween party” so everyone was hella dressed up and I got close lined and threw up all over myself red kool-aid, my mom wouldn’t believe me it was kool-aid so she rushed me to ER

8- my entire family came Down to Texas for a party for me, and ended up having an adult bbq where they all got drunk and I had quesadillas for dinner that I made

10- last birthday in Texas, was sexually assaulted by two neighbors. One at my house party and one at the neighborhood party.

11- was in montana, had no friends, was made fun of for my accent and how I dressed, on my birthday was told to jump off a cliff. My mom worked that day so i spent it with my great grandparents watching wheel of fortune (that part actually rocked, shout out to Vanna)

13- started my period for the first time, got a huge scar from body surfing, broke my back and left side of my hip in a car accident- was on crutches for months in the snowy winter going to school in a building not up to ANY handicap codes.

14- was told it wasn’t a day for me to make about myself that I needed to make everyone around me happy and taken care of.

15- an uncle that was as close to me as a father would be, died of cancer on my actual birthday, but no one told me until his funeral so that whole week leading up to finding out is hard for me. Plus my birthday will alway be the end of someone I love. It’s never easy.

I also was broken up with by my first high school boyfriend on my 15th.

16- I had my virginity stolen by my bf who was already 19 almost 20 and graduated. He was going to school to be a pastor.

17- my mother threw me down the stairs and dragged my across the living room by my hair because I didn’t want to go to swim practice on my birthday

18- my mom told me and my best friend that she wishes she would have had an abortion. That she always hated me. That she wished she could take back every good moment with me.

19- my high school boyfriend (who I had broken up with when I left for college) convinced my mom to let him come stay with her for my birthday, he highjacked a weekend at my campus threatened my friends, assaulted me physically and sexually, when I told my mom she yelled at me

20- had a new bf, who I was obsessed with, he stopped talking to me for a week before my birthday, his friends weren’t allowed to tell me what was up, we had 3 of 6 classes together and he wouldn’t talk to me. The day of my birthday he shoved a note under my dorm room door.

21- this one rocks. I paid for whale watching for myself, my mom, a family friend, and a guy I was seeing.
The guy tell me minutes before we were supposed to leave that he actually didn’t want to spend my birthday with me, he wants to go to homecoming with his NEW GF

My mom takes offense to that, and calls him and makes a whole scene saying how he ruined HER day and how selfish he was for messing up HER plans.

I also stopped drinking then so no way to cope with that nonsense.

22- was going to go whale watching AGAIN with mom and S/O and I got kicked out of my moms for wanting to wear makeup. On my birthday. She screamed and threw a mirror at me because I was ruining her day.

23- got cheated on and due to legal reason had to stay in that relationship.

24- was in a poly relationship and got emotionally abused by both people involved.
They BOTH made my birthday a competition to see who I would spend the most of my money and time on. On my birthday.

25- I went to New York with my mother and got the only gift I had gotten myself stolen right off of my head. I fought with my mom the whole time. I ended up paying for most of the dinners we had and she was feeling extra bougée for MY birthday

26-last year was the closest thing to a decent birthday. The person I was seeing, and had been seeing off and on for years, FORGOT my birthday and didn’t talk to me all day, refused to acknowledge that him forgetting could be hurtful, offered to order me chili’s, but not hang out

My mom wasn’t in town so she flew me out to go to a music festival with her, the idea was great, but I had to wear everything she picked out, everything was on her unofficial gf’s time, and I wasn’t allowed to smoke so there was literally no coping. Just hell.

This year has been a shitty emotional week. All I want is softness and all I get is anger and frustration and cold. I never want to experience a birthday again. My life is so unimportant in other people’s, I barely have enough will to make it important for myself.