You are on a sinking ship. Two life boats are prepared. Rescue is months away. Each lifeboat will land on separate islands. Which will you board? Captained by:

I figure those that got in Dan’s boat would all row together. They’d get tired but rally behind his leadership.

So 5% of people are silly enough to get in a boat skippered by Scotty, powered by Canavan burning coal on the floorboards, a first aid kit chosen by Craig Kelly, Tudge reselling tickets, Taylor rationing water, Credlin and Uhlman singing sea shanties and Baxendale keeping the log

If they ever get to the island Mackenzie will organise a sports carnival. Stuart Robert will monitor and share rations. What could go wrong? Darwinism in action, I guess.

Any oldies that got on Morrison’s boat would be denied a life vest. Any casuals would be thrown overboard. Angus Taylor would steal half the oars. Frydenberg would chart the wrong course. They’d all throw rocks at Dan’s boat but he’d refuse to be distracted.