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Really hate that my defense mechanism for when I do something embarrassing is just doubling down and roasting myself. Because that feels embarrassing also. It& #39;s like my brain is trying to compensate for looking dumb in front of ppl
And it tries to do that by going "you& #39;re laughing at me and so am I! Please don& #39;t think less of me for messing up!" Which feels.... Awful. And is probably awful to watch.
And I know it stems from me being a people pleaser, and for the longest time it felt like the only way I could make people happy or make them give a shit about me or see me as worthwhile was by being apathetic and self-deprecating.
So that& #39;s why it& #39;s my default fallback plan. I& #39;ve tried to train it out of myself and at least I don& #39;t do it as often as I used to but man... It is /really/ hard sometimes. But like. Where& #39;s the happy medium? What does it even look like?
I want to be seen as cool and worthwhile! But I also just want to feel like I have permission to be myself. I am corny and sensitive as hell and I goof shit up all the time and I& #39;d like to be okay with all of that.
Buh. I even feel like I& #39;m supposed to do it now for making this thread.
*Yells into the void*
*Yells into the void*
