JGY’s early experience in JLT.

physical and verbal abuse from Madam Jin

gaslighting from the big boss (who is also his dad)

useless co-workers who constantly make things worse with their terrible attitude (Zixun)

no real recognition of good work done

Any one of these things can wear a person down, but all four? And this is not just a job for JGY. This is his lifelong dream! This is where he is supposed to belong-—with his family—right?

Sometimes I think about how he just have felt—the joy of being recognised, finally, his mother’s hopes come to fruition.

But then reality sets in, and then he’s just left wondering WTF his life has become. Who could blame him for feeling lost? For snapping?

Maybe once JGS dies, he figured that he could at least finally serve on his own terms.

Related to this, I keep coming back to the idea that, actually, MY/JGY really had MANY moments—in Jin Sect, in Nie Sect, in between, before—where he wanted to throw in the towel and fuck cultivation society.

But he keeps thinking about his mother, and the dream she had for him—how she believed in him, so completely!!! And it became his dream too, to find this acceptance. Is that so wrong? (Yes. Yes it was. :/)

And besides, where would he go? In the laundry short, he’s not even serving any cultivation Sects, and still people are talking right in his earshot about 1) they would never talk to someone like him on purpose, ew, perish the thought 2) how dare he be too big for his britches

I just think it’s so fucking tragic. That this person who was so hard-working and talented—and who did good when he finally had the power to!—was just constantly denied, and then he had to do some terrible things just to survive,

and unfortunately, because he did those things, his days were numbered, and he was never, going to be allowed to have a happy ending.

(I am having serious emotions about Meng Shi, on her death bed, putting her hand on MY’s face and telling him she believed in him, believed that people would see how amazing he is—and how such a memory would have suffocated him every time cultivation society kicked him back)