Today is the day...

I am in fact BACK on my Bullshit!

Thank you all for coming out to the long awaited 'Back on My Bullshit Keynote 2020'

(You may want to mute/unfollow/block me now, as i will be spewing bullshit over the next 10-20mins)

We have a lot of exciting products to share with you all today...

One of which was teased earlier this year.... Ass Venneers™.
The product will change the game as we know it.

What if I told you... You could have the perfect seat ANYWHERE. Regardless of the surface, angle or texture?

Here is a diagram of the Human Ass. As you can see the gluteus maximus is what we rely on yo rest on while sitting.

What if I told you... Just like how we are able to craft the perfect smile. We can craft the perfect ass. We can replace the gluteus maximus with Tempur-Pedic materials. so that seat can be the most comfortable seat in the world.

But it doesn't stop there... Ass Venneers™ can do so much more than craft you the perfect seat. Each Ass Venneers™ can be adjusted & tailored for the individual. Cheeks can be weighted to improve posture and spinal alignment. No Ass will be made the same!

Similar to cars in the cooler seasons; Ass Venneers™ does come equipped with internal heating to make even the most brutal of ice skating falls the better!

Ass Venneers™ does also have built in bluetooth and is able to pair to the whole Wholly Skins™ family of devices.

From now on, your butt-dials will be intentional when you call you family and friends.

Ass Venneers™ starting price will be $649.99 starting this winter

Please hold your applause until after the presentation.

Next... Let's talk about those pesky Reddit rumors.

Haha YES! It is true, we have decided to revolutionize the condom world as you know it as well.

Condoms are 1st line of defense that will either allow you to live out your acting dreams on TV, or place you on TV with no acting experience on an episode of Paternity Court.

But Condoms are flimsy, weak, and unreliable at times.

I present to you the SpermaFilter.

Just like how we filter the impurities in water, we can do the same with the SpermaFilter. No need for a pull out game! We got you covered; as you get your significant other covered.

With special designed microfibers we are able to purify the male ejaculation to nothing more than just water. And yes in case you're wondering...we patented that too.

But we all know sex is a dance that takes two to tango.

Often times the male sex eats like utter dogshit and whoever is unfortunate to get that albino gravy in their mouth will have an unpleasant time...

But...Today....We Hope to change that. SpermaFilter has filters!

These are SpermaCarts; and they will change the game as we know it.

Filters are designed with a core task of removing the baby batter. But after the hard part is done... We thought...WHY NOT FLAVOR IT!

SpermaCarts come in variety of flavors:

Havana Banana
Hawaiian Donkey Punch
Grape Drank
Glacier Boy Blueberry

With more flavors coming soon! We are working with Ben & Jerry so stay tuned!

The SpermaFilter™ is slated to drop next fiscal year and will come packed with a pack of 8 SpermaCarts™. You will also be able to purchase additional SpermaCarts™ via stores and online.

The SpermaFilter™ will come in 3 sizes. Small, Large and XL; and will be priced at $499

NEXT

LETS TALK ABOUT CEREAL BROTH!

It appears that world had taken to Cereal Broth by storm.
And today we have some news regarding the Cereal Broth line.

We have finally removed Honey Smacks from our line up of flavors!

Please hold the applause! Yes...we know it's horrible. But not only that...We're providing Coffee Sweetners.

Finally a reason to drink coffee.

Cereal Broth sweeteners will be packaged with Keurigs this fall. And we are also proud to announce we will also be releasing the long awaited Cereal Broth MAX.

What is MAX you ask? We are upping the concentration of all your favorite cereals to increase your chances of diabetes

We're almost out of time, but... Before we go...

I guess we can talk about this years new Wholly Skins™ refresh. We got some exciting new changes to share.

In case you've been living under a rock for the past 4 years Wholly Skins™ is an artificial foreskin jacket for the male appendage.

Unlike you weirdos that are uncircumcised; Wholly Skins™ allows users to remove the skin at their leisure to wash.

But it doesn't stop there. Wholly Skins™ has evolved over time to be just more than just an accessory for the male appendage. It has become a flagship device; being able to call, surf the web, listen music, and much more all from the tip of your dick.

But we've been alienating a whole market for 4 years...

What about...the Labia! Next slide please.