so recent events have taught me that a lot of people on stan twitter don't actually know a whole lot about the lived experience of being autistic. and idk is any of those people will read this thread, but i thought i'd detail my experiences anyway.

disclaimers:
- i am afab and was diagnosed as an adult.
- i can only speak to my experience. this thread is not intended as an educational guide to autism, just a record of how it manifests in one autistic person.
- i have not studied autism. i am not an expert.

ok. so first thing is first. let go of your idea that the autism spectrum is single line. let go of terms like "high functioning" and "low functioning" they are actively harmful. imagine the spectrum like this, instead.

ok, now for my lived experiences. i'll try to separate this into sections, but it might get a little messy. let's start with social skills/language.

for me, language itself isnt an issue. there are autistic people who struggle with things like metaphor, but that's not me.

i love to analyse language - particularly figurative and poetic language - to figure out how it's causing the effect it's causing. which tbh could be an autistic trait itself. that understanding doesn't come naturally to me so i have to do it manually.

however where i often slip up is tone. i tend to take what people say at face value. i love sarcasm, but it has to be really obvious for me to spot it in others. i can be really gullible. if someone makes an effort to sound happy, i won't realise they're actually pissed off.

in a normal face-to-face conversation i slip up less. but take away one aspect of that and i'll stuggle. this means i hate phone calls because i can't read facial cues to help understand their tone of voice, and i might miss tone in text if it doesn't have punctuation etc to help

once i get to know someone, it's way easier. i chat to my sister on the phone constantly with no issues. i'm much better at knowing when close moots are joking with me than when ppl i don't follow are sarcastic in my replies. i need the context of previous interactions to help.

i'm also not good at catching up on conversations that are ongoing. if i come into a room and you're halfway through discussing something, you're gunna need to go right back to the beginning or completely switch if you want me so join in. this often makes me frustrated.

because i wasn't diagnosed until i was an adult, i'm very good at masking. masking is where an autistic person acts neurotypical/hides autistic traits. it's like customer service to the extreme and it's exhausting long-term. i do it at work a lot.

masking means smiling and laughing when i don't get the joke, backtracking and pretending i was playing along with sarcasm when i actually thought they were serious, and constantly mimicking other people in an attempt to remain polite and to not be shunned by neurotypicals.

i need to say this again: it is fucking. exhausting. when i am already tired or stressed, masking is harder. i slip up more. i read things wrong. sometimes i will get in from work and i can't string a sentence together because it's like i've used up my words and my brain is fried

as to misunderstanding social cues: not realising when people want me to be quiet or im being annoying, not always being able to "read the room", not being able to tell when someone's angry.

also: so much anxiety that i'm annoying people or they're mad bc i know i can't tell.

when i did my diagnostic interview the doctor asked me if i understood small talk.

me: do you mean like do i like to do it or do i know why people do it? bc i studied a level linguistics, i know what phatic communication is i just don't like doing it.
her: writes stuff down.

sensory:

my sensory issues aren't huge. i don't mind loud noise but prefer when i'm in control of it. volume is up max on earphones normally and i don't like walking without music because i find the background noise of the street unpleasant.

i do hate intrusive repetitive noises though. i once had a meltdown because a fire alarm that needed its battery changed was beeping. if a car alarm is going off i will be aware of it.

i was a picky eater as a kid (still am just less so) and i'm weird about certain textures.

i cut the labels out of clothes because 99% of the time they don't bother me but if i'm having an off day they make it feel like my skin is burning and i can focus on nothing else. they're literally painful. i have been late for work because i'm seam-ripping a label off.

skipping over motor skills because mine aren't that interesting, i'm just clumsy as hell. skipping over perception bc i'm not sure what it means.

executive function. in very basic terms, this is organisation, completing tasks, problem solving etc.

here's a fun fact about me i realised recently: i will never ever use a table if i can help it. i think in mind maps and arrows and flow charts and never, ever in straight lines. whenever i have to fill out a spreadsheet i end up putting things in the wrong column.

i cannot fill out forms. they don't make sense to me. i have to get my mum or a friend to talk me through them, and i still panic. if i try to do it on my own, i will end up in floods of tears. i don't know why. i just can't understand them.

i am fairly organised until my very specific organisation system is in any way disrupted, at which point i can't adapt and i go into freefall. i will sit in one spot for hours and put off a task for no reason other than that my brain won't cooperate.

routines and patterns:

my life is governed by routines. i deliberately chose a career where my day-to-day tasks do not change and every hour is blocked out and accounted for. changes to routines cause me stress. covid lockdown sent me into a minor mental health crisis.

by brain is basically owned by my special interest. it is all i think about when i am left to my own devices. i cannot not talk about it. it is a comfort and my main way of controlling my emotions but i function less well as a human if i havent had time to think about it that day

special interests (spins) can be short term (a few months) or long term (decades, lifetimes). day6 has been my spin for 6 months. my longest spin is ace attorney (4-5 years as my primary interest, takes over for like 3-4 months whenever a new game is released).

i DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over what my brain chooses to focus on. and once i'm focused i have no control over turning it off. this is similar to hyperfixations - there is a difference but i'll be honest i end up using the two terms interchangeably.