a lot of friends drift. what if bakugou develops, branches out, gets really tight with todoroki and deku and...leaves behind kirishima who still feels stuck where he was. but now without the guy who was once his world

by the time it's third year, they're just classmates at best

kirishima thinks he's moved on. he's pretty sure he's moved on. he's a third year, he's eighteen, it's been so long! and he also scrolls through his old photo album of him and bakugou late at night, and cries.

but he hasn't done that for a year. he's fine.

bakugou doesn't hang with the squad anymore. at all. anyone can tell him and todoroki and deku are a trio, and they dominate the year without trying, people call them this year's big three. and it's not just that. bakugou can talk to everyone now.

he goes on shopping trips with yaoyorozu, he gives tokoyami regular spar training as someone whose quirk makes light, he made asui the biggest fluffy jumper with inbuilt heating perfect to combat hibernation.

bakugou's changed. still loud, still aggressive, but he smiles more. reaches out more. listens more.

and kirishima doesn't think /he's/ changed one bit since first year

it's not that bakugou avoids them. kirishima does catch bakugou talking to mina or denki or hanta sometimes, but individually, casually. bakugou doesn't really talk to kirishima. but kirishima's pretty sure that's mostly his own fault.

bakugou doesn't approach him much in general, but kirishima can't even hold a conversation. he's not sure why.

and he hates the way his brain has given him animosity towards midoriya. /midoriya/. it's like he can't help himself from being a little curt around the guy, a little ruder

like payback for all the times his heart sank last year when he saw midoriya and bakugou looking so happy hanging out together, and he probably feels some of that towards todoroki too. it's horrible. /kirishima's/ horrible.

"if ducks could wield hammers i'd be done for," denki says with wide eyes when they're in the changing rooms after training, and kirishima bursts out laughing. "what if they had opposable thumbs? how powerful would they be?"

"we had this exact same conversation about cats last week, denk."

"YEAH BUT DUCKS ARE LIKE SUPER STRONG. YOU THINK THEY'RE ALL CALM WHEN THEY'RE IN THE WATER BUT THEIR LEGS ARE ACTUALLY MOVING LIKE A MILE A MINUTE? HOW DO I COMPETE WITH THAT?!"

"...there is literally no reason for you to need to compete with ducks, bro..."

"yeah but that ain't the problem here. i just don't want my parents thinkin' i ain't got game," kirishima hears, and he seizes up a little as three people walk past him, already dressed. "i could have fucking game."

"then get a lover."

"I DON'T WANT ONE!"

"i'd dress up as a girl for you to show off to your parents, bakugou," todoroki says completely solemnly and bakugou elbows him into the lockers.

"i'm bi, idiot. and i don't want you-"

"i see how it is. i'll do it, kacchan," midoriya sighs, slamming a hand onto the lockers by katsuki's arm before squinting up at him, and bakugou stares.

"are you...trying to kabedon me?"

"mhm. am i sexy yet?"

there's silence for a moment, before they all burst into laughter, bakugou's cackles ringing through the room as midoriya curls into a ball on the floor and sobs, "I'M NEVER SAYING THE S WORD AGAIN" and todoroki crouches down to pat his back, still chuckling.

"they're funny," kirishima laughs lightly, and denki looks back, face scrunching up a little as he mutters, "i guess. anyway, let's go."

they do, denki bounding a little bit ahead when he catches sight of hanta and mina. kirishima follows suit but midoriya gets up right at that moment and head butts him

"KIRISHIMA! I'M SO SORRY!" midoriya panics, arms thrashing about as kirishima shakes his head, giving a fake smile.

"i hardened on instinct, i should be asking if /you're/ okay."

"i'm fine i'm fine! are you sure you're o-"

"izuku you have blood coming out of your head," todoroki says, and midoriya immediately brings his hand to his head as kirishima screeches, "WHAT?!"

"i'll take him to the infirmary, c'mon squirt," bakugou says as he takes hold of midoriya's arm, and he looks at kirishima who holds his breath. "you comin?"

"u-uh...with you?"

"with deku."

"oh, i- you guys've got it under control, haha, i'll just go. i'm so sorry, midoriya."

midoriya just smiles at him, a wordless 'it's fine' cause he's one of the loveliest guys ever. kirishima hates himself so much. /he/ could've been better friends with midoriya if he hadn't put this one-sided grudge between them. midoriya doesn't deserve anyone hating him, ever.

everyone stares when kirishima rushes forward and pulls midoriya into a hug.

"sorry," kirishima says again into deku's shoulder, and midoriya laughs, sounding a little hysterical but mostly happy as he squeezes kirishima.

" don't be sorry! this is so nice!"

kirishima's on a roll, as the instant he lets go of midoriya, he latches onto todoroki. todoroki's right hand sets on fire in surprise.

"it /is/ nice..." todoroki murmurs in awe as he rests a hand on kirishima's head.

it's probably pretty suspicious when kirishima pulls away and doesn't even look at bakugou. but he smiles at the others, reaching out to squeeze their hands, then he throws bakugou a glance but the guy's taken a great interest in the wall.

that's...kirishima's cue to leave

"what took you so long?" denki asks curiously when kirishima finds him and the others waiting outside. kirishima just shrugs, as they head on.

"oh, you're going back to school?" hanta asks when kirishima starts going in a different direction, and kirishima nods.

"gotta get some work done, go back without me!"

"mannnn, you should rest but alright. good luck!"

they wish each other goodbye before kirishima heads off. he thinks hard, then decides he should try and find a computer room, because he needs to type up at least /some/ of a literature essay he has due tomorrow

he walks through the halls, turning a corner and then he finds a computing lab, /nice/

he settles, dropping his bag beside the seat he chose before logging onto a computer and waiting for it to load. he daydreams a little as he looks out the window

he wonders what it would be like to fly. to be in the air, have one of those quirks that sends you up there - his is only limited to ground combat.

apparently, that was speak of the devil, as someone with a quirk exactly like that decides to open the door just when the computer finally logs kirishima in. and his jaw drops

"wha-"

his mouth snaps shut when bakugou raises a finger to his lips, before looking over and his eyes widen a little when he notices the person is kirishima. kirishima blinks, wondering if he should wave, smile? but bakugou keeps the finger to his lips and kirishima gets the memo

he watches curiously as bakugou hops up onto the desk in front of a computer and fiddles with the overhead wires. then he smirks, slipping something that looks like a...water balloon?....behind them

before rolling out extremely thin string attached to it, then he leans down to rest the end of the string carefully on the chair. then he jumps back to the ground

"that's where todoroki sits in his next lesson. when he sits down, he's gonna get the shock of his life," bakugou grins at kirishima, whose face burns a little. when was the last time bakugou ever smiled at him...

"i love this petty shit, i'm never blowing up something again if i can make someone slip on a banana peel or something. they only /fall/ so how is it so FUNNY."

bakugou was only just discovering the appeals of pranks? oh man, that's cute.

"pranks are my lifeblood, dude, i'm glad you're having fun with 'em."

"fuck yeah. finally get why you losers were so obsessed with them," bakugou says as he takes a seat on the table in the middle of the room so he's facing the guy but there's still so much space between them,

and kirishima's smile becomes strained. 'loser' used to sound so affectionate out of bakugou's mouth but now he doesn't know what it means.

"that's super cool."

"mhm"

kirishima flashes another smile that he hopes to god isn't awkward before turning back to his computer. his brains too muddled to really focus as he clicks randomly, too caught up in the fact that he's alone with a guy like bakugou, but he jolts when he hears, "how was your day?"

kirishima whirls around, eyes wide as he's about to ask if that question really came out of /bakugou's mouth/, but the words are caught in his throat when he sees the guy, his chin resting in his palm, eyes narrowed but maybe not narrowed...hooded? well, they're /warm/

he looks so relaxed, cool, and soft. kirishima's in awe.

he wants to be relaxed too. he wants to smile. but now he's just wondering if that's the kind of question bakugou asks now. if that's the kind of question he asks todoroki and midoriya

"it was okay," kirishima says tentatively, and bakugou nods. it really feels like all his attention is on kirishima and that hasn't happened in...years. "um, my ma sent me my favourite dessert so i ate that! uhhhh and me 'n denki 'n mina went to the pond at lunch. denki fell in."

"'course he did," bakugou snorts and kirishima giggles, arguing light-heartedly, "in his defence, he was really really sure that this one duck was out to get him!"

"geez, why?"

"denk said and i quote: 'HE KNOWS I ATE HIS MOTHER.'"

"...'cause we had duck for dinner last nigh-"

"'cause we had duck for dinner last night!" kirishima cries, and bakugou full-on bursts into cackles. "i tried to ask him - how do you know it was his mother and kaminari yelled, 'HE HAS THE EYES OF A MAN WHO HAS LOST HIS SOUL' and then he fell in trying to hug the duck.

then me n' ash almost fell in while we were laughing. horrible."

bakugou's eyes, so much softer than they used to be but still oh-so dynamic, are twinkling. "why in the heck were you lot going to the pond in winter."

"because we can do what we damn well want, dude!" kirishima explodes immediately in defence, slamming a fist against the desk and he's shy but so glad when bakugou grins, shaking his head in disbelief.

kirishima's /not/ about to tell him that they went because they were dumbasses who believed sero when he said he saw the lochness monster.

"you're a fucking riot."

"my hero name?" kirishima asks confusedly, and he doesn't know why bakugou snickers again but it doesn't matter. bakugou's laughing with him. or...at him but whatever - he's laughing /because/ of kirishima. he really is

"anythin' else?"

"um, not really. i worked out this morning!"

"you always work out."

"nuh-uh and i went to the gym for real, i mean! and it was really good, and then i had class, then the pond thing, then training, now i'm here."

"why are you here?"

"trying to type up an essay but /someone/ disturbed me," kirishima teases, and bakugou smirks.

"you haven't even got up word yet."

kirishima looked at his computer, before turning back to bakugou to yell, "i just got here!"

"it's been twenty minutes since the bell rang, better get a move on."

"twenty-?! why didn't you tell me earlier? this is all your fault katsuki oh my god-"

kirishima freezes. well, it more feels like the world freezes.

bakugou is staring at him with eyes alight, surprised, but his brow is pinched in worry. "kirishima?"

shit.

kirishima can't do this.

"sorry," kirishima quickly says as he gets up, grabbing his bag, not even bothering to log out. "i meant to say bakugou and, uh, gotta go, h-heard someone calling for me."

bakugou blinks as he sits up straight. "kirishima, wait-"

"NO!" kirishima accidentally yells, and he pauses from where he's reaching out for the door handle. he looks back in fear, but bakugou's staring down at the table, head hanging like he'd just been slapped

"i'm so sorry," kirishima whispers, so there's no way bakugou could hear him, then he runs

now he knows why he can't keep up a conversation with bakugou. because his brain knows it'll become too familiar, too friendly, and doing that with someone who used to be his most best friend in the entire world would be too painful for him

oh god. kirishima misses him so much that it's hard to breathe. scratch that - it feels like he's been holding his breath for two years, and he's finally realised how badly it's clawing at his chest

is it beyond repair, by now? is that why it still has to hurt?

/'why did you leave me?'/

- we're back in business - https://twitter.com/libelluleluci/status/1317094113687314432?s=20

they don't talk about what happened

obviously.

they meet eyes in the common room at dinner, but they quickly look away, and that's it. kirishima wonders if bakugou wants to say sorry but he can't tell - and bakugou doesn't need to say sorry anyway. it was just kirishima's own patheticness

he just wishes so hard that bakugou feels at least /something/

he's so deluded.

"kirishima, you okay?" a voice asks that makes kirishima choke on his water, and then a strong hand is quickly smacking his back to help. "oh no!"

"haha no i'm f-fine," kirishima laughs as he coughs a little, throat clearing before he warily smiles up at midoriya, and todoroki is still leaning over him just in case, hand warm on his back. "why?"

"oh not much reason! you were just staring into space so i-"

"oi, nerds, come on!" a voice yells and kirishima bites his lip, preparing himself to say goodbye. but midoriya straightens up, glares at bakugou who's waiting at the bottom of the stairs, and says, "we're talking to kirishima."

there's moment of heavy silence for a second, as kirishima's eyes widen

that was...so cool. midoriya would rather make sure kirishima was okay than go with bakugou?

oh fucking hell, he was /such/ a good person.

"i can get you more water if you'd like," todoroki says as he takes a seat next to kirishima who smiles, shaking his head and midoriya perches on the sofa armrest, gasping, "but your glass knocked over! let me get a cloth."

"it's okay," todoroki says as he holds a hand out and warms up the ground so the water evaporates. midoriya 'oooooooh's as he claps, and kirishima's amazed too. he also doesn't really know what's happening

hold on. did...bakugou tell them about what happened?

but midoriya and todoroki don't mention it as they mindlessly chatter, and kirishima finds himself easing into the conversation. kirishima laughs loudly at something todoroki says, and todoroki stares at him in wonder for so long that midoriya has to whisper something in his ear.

"sorry if this guy's being weird. truth be told he said he wants to hang out with you more because he can't get over the fact that you hugged him yesterday," midoriya laughs, and todoroki slowly brings up his arms to hide his burning face when kirishima looks at him in surprise.

"aw my sweet dude i'd hug you anytime!"

"it's more than the hugs," todoroki says quickly, before bowing shyly. "you're also very- very nice. i like your smile."

kirishima stills for a moment, before he slowly turns to stare at midoriya and midoriya blinks in confusion before kirishima's implication dawns on him, and his jaw drops. "WAIT NO HE DOESN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU! THIS IS JUST WHAT HE'S LIKE!"

"ohhh...hey." kirishima pats todoroki's head, and smiles at the guy as he straightens up. it's painful, though. cause kirishima isn't nice. he's jealous, bogged down by things he should've let go years ago. "thank you for thinking that, man. you can come talk whenever you want."

"does that offer extend?" midoriya asks, chirpily hopeful and kirishima swallows, but still manages to weakly nod.

"s-sure."

"i can also bring bak-"

"well, we should be off!" midoriya interrupts, and kirishima misses the warning look midoriya sends todoroki. "we'll see you around."

"goodbye."

"bye!"

kirishima waves, still a little windswept, before letting out a heavy breath as hanta and mina and denki crowd him from where they were watching things unfold. "you okay, bro? they didn't do anything funny, right?"

"apparently, they wanna be closer to me as friends," kirishima laughs, his chest feeling punctured. "how am i meant to do that. bakugou's glued to them - i /can't/ do that but they're so lovely..."

"this feels like a trap," hanta frowns, but kirishima throws his arms in the direction that midoriya and todoroki had left.

"didn't you see how adorable todoroki was?! i don't think they were lying but i'm more worried about bakugou thinking i'm stealing his friends..."

"well, it's deserved," mina says casually, and denki and hanta nod. kirishima looks at them with wide eyes, yelping, "hey you shouldn't say-"

"whether he did it on purpose or not, he left you without trying to stay. left us. you can /be angry at him/, ei."

"being angry doesn't do anything...and i don't wanna talk about this. it's been too long, what's the point?"

"the point is that you're not /over/ it by now, man," denki says sadly, jumping onto the couch so he can hug kirishima. "you keep seeming okay then you don't and we just want you to /be/ okay."

"just a few more months," kirishima breathes, closing his eyes. "a few more months then i'll be outta here a-and i won't have to see him every day anymore. i'll be able to heal /completely/ then."

the others flop on him to hug him as tight as they can, and kirishima can feel all of their hurt as clear as day. they all miss bakugou - they all miss teasing him, laughing with him, messing around with him, /being/ with him

they lost a pivotal part of their squad two years ago - and that shit sticks

what hurts the most is that they miss bakugou so much while he's usually /right in front of their eyes/. they even talk to him. they're not completely isolated

and bakugou seems fine.

-

kirishima's going to his room after school when he hears people. he hides around the corner.

"you can apologise, kacchan. i know you can, cause you've apologised to /me/."

"are you going to let history repeat?" todoroki's low voice sounds.

a door slams. midoriya sighs.

-

"what do you think about this equation?" tetsutetsu asks kirishima at study hall, and kirishima looks over. then he nods.

"looks very nice. 10/10. i love the way you write your 'f's."

tetsutetsu gives him the worst look. "not the way it /looks/ dude, i meant what does it MEAN?!"

"OH. no clue"

tetsu groans, shinsou pats his back without even looking up from his work, and kirishima accidentally flicks his pencil across the room

studying sucks.

until midoriya and todoroki sweep over and sit opposite the three, even with bakugou yelling at them in the background, and midoriya asks with sparkling eyes, "can we sit here?"

kirishima's about to say sure, until tetsutetsu holds up his book. "/only/ if you can tell me what this equation means."

"ah- that's the equation for frequency! l stands for length, T stands for tension 'n that funky greek letter stands for mass per unit length. that's the density of a string, i'm pretty sure."

tetsutetsu gasps as he looks back at his book. "oh my god. /oh my god/. holy shit man you can sit here forever."

"i could've told you that," shinsou deadpans, and tetsu yelps, "you wouldn't pay attention to me!"

"sorry about them. they're just, you know, best friends but tentatively," kirishima laughs, and midoriya grins back, while todoroki looks very at peace. though they all jolt when a hand slams down onto their desk. then bakugou calmly sits down.

"did you have to do that?" midoriya asks, unimpressed, and bakugou just puts his whole hand on midoriya's face to push it away, making midoriya yell as he falls back into todoroki's arms. "OI!"

"get your books out, morons, we're here to study. you're the ones interrupting these lot," bakugou says, gesturing to kirishima and tetsutetsu and shinsou

and midoriya narrows his eyes at him the whole time he gets his books out of his bag, slamming each one onto the table with fervour, and bakugou stares back. "you wanna fight?"

this is a normal occurrence.

bakugou and kirishima catch eyes, and kirishima's already smiling at the encounter and it's hard to stop smiling now, so he grins bigger at bakugou. bakugou lowers his eyes, smiling the tiniest bit at his open book

and it feels so cliché that kirishima would be tucking his hair behind his ear if it wasn't gelled up

he kicks tetsutetsu under the table to stop the guy from staring frantically between them like he's watching a tennis match.

"i heard it was goin' to rain- ouch," todoroki winces when bakugou thwacks his head.

"this ain't the time for small-talk!"

"oh...but...i just heard that it would be raining pretty steadily for a week...that is interesting, no?"

"oh man a /week/? how are we gonna train?"

"they'll still make us. a villain can appear in any weather, y'know."

"that's manly i guess."

"do you say 'manly' instead of 'fair'?" bakugou asks incredulously, and kirishima nods, clarifying, "being fair is manly!"

"damn, you've got even worse."

kirishima processes. and processes. and he almost develops an angry tick from the words. but instead he just smiles sweetly, and says, "yeah, that's not something you're allowed to say"

bakugou whips his head up in surprise, eyes wide, as midoriya and todoroki clutch each other in worry and tetsu whispers 'ohhhhhh shiiiiiiit'. even shinsou looks up.

"i didn't /mean/ anythin' by it," bakugou argues, eyebrows furrowed and kirishima raises his own.

"you sure did, dude. if we were friends then it would've been fine, but?"

bakugou's jaw sets. "the fuck d'you mean?"

"you can't tell me i've got 'worse'," kirishima hisses, "if you should've been around to see it happening but you weren't. and what's worse even supposed to mean? am i supposed to take that light-heartedly from someone i don't know?"

"/you know me/," bakugou growls, and kirishima scoffs, crossing his arms

"i fucking wish. i /knew/ you, bakugou."

"g-guys, hold on," midoriya says nervously, but he shouts when bakugou's left hand casts off an explosion, then he's getting up, reaching over to grab kirishima by the collar

"do you want a fucking fight? is that it?!"

"well maybe that'll be better than not acknowledging things for two years," kirishima seethes, suddenly so tempted to spit in bakugou's face. until he notices the hand grabbing his shirt is shaking. and it's hard to tell if bakugou's face is scrunched up out of anger or sadness

"why now? why are you only getting this worked up now?"

"'cause i don't care anymore. this' /always/ hurt too much to ignore, but so soon i won't have to see you like ever again, so i don't care what i say!

and don't let midoriya and todoroki try to befriend me just 'cause you're too much of a coward to talk to me, man!"

midoriya gasps as todoroki says sadly, "that wasn't why-"

"I KNOW, I'M JUST MAD RIGHT NOW!" kirishima yells, squeezing his eyes shut. "AND I KNOW YOU GUYS AT LEAST...you're at least trying to get bakugou to do /something/. but he won't. and i don't fucking care."

bakugou lets go of kirishima and flips the table

and while everyone's freaking out about their books and pens being spilled and a commotion starts up in the room, bakugou grabs kirishima's hand, and runs out dragging kirishima with him.