this here *backhand slaps* is my Guiding Stars reading thread. once again, please feel free to mute.

also. spoilers. beware.

it's not. a lesson. *grips*

nah. i'm really going to have to copy the entire thing by the end of it. hm.

*flinch*

have someone who understands you the way hirugami sachirou understands hoshiumi kourai.

never going to shut up about “I’ve known he was a star before the world did.”

...
*inhales sharply*
i really will end up copying everything.
this is my second time reading it, too.
hm.

spoiler.

one of the things I love most in GS is the characterization and development. it's so. raw.

it's fun to see Hoshiumi as a vessel of pure honesty, energy, and obliviousness but once you get to the kiss, the walk with Hirugami's classmate, the morning after, and more...

...

seriously, my goodness. the words. the transitions. the descriptions. beautiful.

it's like a switch is what it is.

*throws pillow and screams*

let's go. chapter 7...

it doesn't hurt. it really doesn't.

/I’m going to keep kissing you all night until my heart is numb. Sorry Kourai-kun./

Hoshiumi wondered to himself, /Are kisses supposed to hurt?/

i'm going to go ahead and pretend i am not thinking that "I asked for the earth; I received earth" by fatal and GS could be sequels.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26880070 

i always have to hug myself when i start reading it again. i have to turn into a ball so i don't get hurt. it helps a bit but it still hurts. that scene with the kiss and sachirou blocking him. kourai not remembering what sachirou says, sachirou being used to it... raw.

the last chapter better be so fluffy i will perish because this is still true. https://mobile.twitter.com/accountforfoll7/status/1306197481655382021

i am in physical pain just reading chapter 9. 8 more chapters of pain, here we go.

chapter 12. bane. Hirugami calling Hoshiumi "Hoshiumi-san", consider me hurt.

chapter 12. / wrist

Sachirou and Kourai are such beautiful sounding names. It feels light just saying them. Makes me think of Kamomedai blue. I like it. It's nice.

/How did he do it again? He was always such a good helper/
...
He averted his eyes to stop the tears from soaking into the gauze as they started to drip onto his hands. /It’s so hard doing this alone./

this really hurts.

He wasn’t sure, but at some point, the pain in his chest became unbearable as he realized that Hirugami was giving him everything and nothing at the same time.

..................

Hoshiumi stared up at Hirugami, opening his heart to a closed off wall. “I want one last kiss with you, because I’m getting a feeling this is my last chance to. What do you want?”

...........!!!!!!

chapter 12 is that chapter where it's blaring, searing pain all over, pushing each other away while wanting nothing other than have them stay.

now chapter 14... is a different kind of pain.

they were so close. so, physically close. (i'm still in the middle)

/He wasn’t sure, but at some point, the pain in his chest became unbearable as he realized that Hirugami was giving him everything and nothing at the same time./

this line stuck to me. it's a deafening scream devoid of words. why are you blocking me. why does this hurt so much.

once, and then again. a story that's meant to end no matter what. "You're not kissing me. I'm kissing you."

Hirugami resigning to Hoshiumi's touch.

Alright.

"Kourai-kun, isn’t the sky so beautiful today?” Hana exclaimed, pulling on his jacket to point at the sky. “Don’t you love sunsets?”

OH. MY. LIFE. You did not just ask that. You did not. Just ask that.

I remember flinching, cupping my mouth and going "Ohhhh!!" when I read this the first time. Still works like magic.

“That’s how you look when you’re too nervous to stand in the path of the ball,” Hoshiumi teased, forcing himself to think about their lessons. “Also, I prefer sunrises.”

1. look at his social skills. love.
2. you lie. as most people in pain do.

*hands on hips and huffs* d*mn.

i just remembered. hirugami deleted the whole convo with hoshiumi on his phone. a decade and more. a decade. and more. and everything on the internet. and kdad (the writer) said that it's not sad. see, it's not just the shouting, the (spoiler) injury, the game of pretend.

it's in chipping off your habits, your second nature, like that time with the fluffy white dog. taking a photo and sending it over. it's how your name sounds different coming from someone else's voice

(cherry on top is that apparently canonically Hoshiumi is just "Hoshiumi", he's only ever "Kourai-kun" to Hirugami - happy to be corrected, sad to learn otherwise though). and of course the flood of memories. theirs isn't a happy childhood story.

it's two people who saved and helped each other. and by goodness, they were middle schoolers. middle. schoolers. sorry just 1 crack comment: these freaking seagulls and their cold stone wall and staring at sunsets and standing at the top of the stairs. freaking freaking seagulls.

that's the reality of it. unlearning someone you /just/ learned you have had feelings for all this time, and your end was most sour. hirugami built up all these walls and who could blame him? it was logical.

it's a whole swirling of: please, stop pulling him in, he is hurting. he just wants to let go... it's been so long. and please don't block him out, he just wants to be with you he just doesn't know it yet.

and please. the nod to pulling on the end of Hirugami's backpack, nice.

i adore a lot of pairings, some i have had seriously unhealthy episodes due to my obsession, with hiruhoshi, canon was enough, it didn't take a lot for it to be bad for my heart, (yet i still come back).

one of the reasons why it is so hard for me to read hiruhoshi (i really have to steel my heart whenever i resume reading, it doesn't help much) is because their story is so sad. no sugarcoating on that.

i mean canonically i'm sure they still talk and go on parks to walk Hirugami's dog, they catch up, and watch the sunset together (again, freaking seagulls). But whenever i read fics it is really them leaving each other. that's how it logically will be, their paths rlywon't cross

well, i mean Fukuro is Adler's captain but still. and don't get me started on how they began. //tw mention of blood
the ace nothing less, that player from the super famous athlete family, /a boy/, scraping his knuckles on a cold wall, hard enough to draw and smear blood.

and another kid, yanking on his bag "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" and telling him, that he can just quit. and all the in betweens really. them being side by side. Hirugami knowing Hoshiumi so well.

And yes, I am also sad that it is quite possible that Hoshiumi is often caught up in volley that he forgets Hirugami. And Hirugami is used to that *throws pillow*

so please.. for the love of goodness, please send me the fluffiest hiruhoshi there is. when i say i am in pain. there is no lie there. i have engraved 2 hiruhoshi fics in my mind and it is Guiding Stars and I asked for earth, i received earth.

And let me tell you they're the equivalent of being kicked in the chest with a combat boot. Repeatedly. So please. Send some fluff hiruhoshi.

Now. Going back to hurting myself *switches tab*

Oh, it’s not for me,” Hoshiumi said, going through the contacts on his phone. “It’s for S-”

........................

Ah yes. Well-written not-main-characters. The inclusion of Hana, Ueno, Enaga, Rina, Hoshiumi's mom ofc. I think I said that before but their inclusion truly is so purposeful and not half-baked, they were necessary to be there. Even the despicable friends in the fest. Amazing.

OKAY WAIT THE LAST CHAPTERS JUST GOT UPLOADED. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. I AM FIGHTING THE URGE TO SLAM MY PHONE. WAIT, LET ME GET BACK TO MY HURT PHASE SO I CAN FEEL THIS BETTER. WAIT. OKAY.

THEY'RE MOVING ON FROM THEIR RUINED DECADE OF FRIENDSHIP AND PINING.

OK. GO.

/This is my chance to move on./

“Hana-chan,”

Fu........

Hoshiumi’s ears were hot as he recalled Hirugami’s words. “You deserve better, Kourai-kun.”

/I need to stop thinking about you./

The theme of Hirugami being Hoshiumi's guide when he goes off. And Hoshiumi acknowledging that with no embarrassment. Love.

/He still won’t say his name, his mother thought sadly. Kourai, you never stopped thinking about Sachirou, have you? Not even right now./

chapter 15 has so many lessons in them.

"The color brown was for lifeless objects. Dead leaves, tree bark, hardened vines, and Hirugami Sachirou."

One of the proofs that GS is absolutely amazingly written and admirable. My. Goodness. Had to skip captioning most lines as I will end up copying the whole thing.

Ah my goodness. The admiration I have for this work. Absolutely amazing.

Okay. I'm close to the koi part. Iabsolutely love that part and I keep on remembering it. You know how in stories it has to be that one big thing that inspires "oohs" and "aahs". I have always seen that scene as something so normal, but so impactful.

He keeps on trying to forget Sachirou but what Sachirou is, who Sachirou is, is ingrained in his mind and it's not a big moment, a big monumental memory about the koi. It is Sachirou, his love for animals, his roots. Heaven knows he won't forget that no matter how hard he tries.

Okay wait is it koi? Is it it koi?! Wait, let me check

Yes it is koi