North and South are going to fight. North will win especially if it’s winter, we’re tougher. You can even fetch your Dads, we aren’t arsed.

We’ll be a cohesive unit too as we talk to each other. You southerners will just run about like headless chickens, on your own. You’ll just get picked off and we’ll eat you and make lampshades out of your skin.

We’d strike at night by stealth, we’d smell your cauldrons of couscous and Jo Malone candles while we are fuelled on roadkill and acorns.

In spite of us now being at war I’m most impressed with the good natured banter from both sides. Bravo to all. Right, back to war

We’ll sneak in and cut your manbuns off while your paying a fiver for cornflakes sat on a beanbag.