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More of my unsolicited thoughts on criminalising coercive control:
The argument that if these laws are introduced, victims will have the choice to engage with the legal system or steer clear of it is a flawed one. 1/
The argument that if these laws are introduced, victims will have the choice to engage with the legal system or steer clear of it is a flawed one. 1/
It fails to acknowledge that the concept of âchoiceâ & the criminal legal system have a somewhat acrimonious relationship. Charges can be laid without victim consent & if you are a misidentified perpetrator/defendant, you really do need to show up to court to defend yourself. 2/
Once in court - no matter how consensual your legal engagement is, & even as a victim-witness, you will be subject to a range of stressful and often humiliating experiences that you didnât know you would be signing up for. 3/
His defence counsel may subpoena decades of counselling and psychiatric notes as did my exâs. They will cross examine you for hours. Your innermost thoughts and confessions laid bare before the Court and whoever else is there to watch the circus. 4/
Your ex will hear more about your private thoughts & your physical and mental health than you ever wanted them to. I canât describe how violating that feels. Nor how degrading it is to feel as if your own sanity & credibility are on trial alongside your perpetratorâs actions 5/
After all that (and more), a decision will be made - a verdict of guilty or not guilty. If not guilty, you may be told itâs because youâre too crazy to be beyond-reasonable-doubt credible or it may simply be insufficient evidence. A devastated witness walks away invalidated 6/
If there is a guilty result, you may feel a wave of vindication and validation. And then you wait for sentencing. I can almost guarantee you that whatever the sentence is, it will not feel enough. The quantification of your trauma, reduced to a fine or minimal time. 7/
Then there is the thing that I donât hear anyone talking about. After the conviction of my ex, I felt sad & conflicted. I once loved this man. Iâm also legally obliged to coparent with him. I didnât blame myself for his abuse but complicated feelings were made more so. 8/
I can honestly say that the time I spent in legal proceedings delayed my healing. It kept me in a state of limbo for months. Surviving day to day. Not knowing what the future would hold. Painful wounds being ripped open at every hearing, never having the chance to heal. 9/
At the end of it, a downgraded charge and a conviction was something of a hollow victory. It did not feel empowering to me. I felt smaller and more insignificant than ever before. I expected to feel powerful, reclaiming the power he took from me, but I didnât. 10/
At home, my kids watched their motherâs vacant eyes and alarming weight loss as I promised them over again that I would try to put the pieces of our lives back together âsoonâ. Just after the next hearing. When my energy wasnât consumed by the cause of âjusticeâ. 11/
The enactment of a law is more than words in a statute. They represent a social force with immense power to (mis)direct lives. They rarely heal, & they rarely redeem. Thatâs the sobering news 12/
The good news is that there are other ways to tackle difficult human problems other than through the blunt instrument of the law. Many of our DFV services are doing brilliant work across the country. Letâs channel our resources into public condemnation of coercive control... 13/
... and associated behaviours by wrapping love & support around those affected. Healing women & kids in homes & communities instead of courtrooms. By making our existing law enforcement & systems more empowering for victims. By educating & empowering bystanders. 14/
By more housing options for victims. By better access to mental health services. By ensuring that children have childhoods they donât have to recover from & where they learn about healthy relationships. 15/
Why canât we have it all you ask? Because political will is a fickle beast. If you tell the legislature that a law will fix it, thatâs all they will hear, no matter what they say. 16/
I think my thread above should have had some hashtagging to reach a wider audience re: #criminalisecoercivecontrol #coercivecontrol? If anyone wants to read my thoughts on why this might not be quite the solution we're looking for, read from tweet 1/ - 16/ above
