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I think I’m ready to tell the story of how my last break-up went.
OKAY, So to start things off, I just want to say I have no hard feelings against her. And she’s truly a good person, and she’s actually a great girlfriend. So the reason why we broke up won’t be discussed. Let’s just say, sometimes it’s for the better.
Unfortunately I was not planning on actually ending this relationship but the way the conversation went, led to that. The worst part about all this is we weren’t even at our own apartment. We were at a friends apartment, an hour and some change from where we lived at the time.
So the breakup happens (skipping details) and I head back to the apt with Athena. This is on a Friday afternoon. She still had a key and I told her she was welcomed to come back anytime.
Moving forward she doesn’t come home Friday, Saturday OR Sunday. It wasn’t until Monday after I got home from work that afternoon, my roommate says, “She came by and picked up all her stuff.” And I’m well damn, she ain’t even wanna talk one last time or nun. Lol.
This where shit get out of control bro.. so the first thing I noticed is the she left her key on the counter. I proceed to walk into my room and her side of the closet is empty. Like EMPTY. So I’m like oh she wasn’t playing no games.
I take my uniform off, and head to the bathroom. Open the door AND MY FUCKING SHOWER CURTAINS ARE GONE DAWG. 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💀" title="Schädel" aria-label="Emoji: Schädel"> LIKE, SHOWER CURTAIN, LINER, AND RINGS. THE EXPENSIVE ONES. GONE.
I run back out and yell at my roommate and I’m like “BRO SHE TOOK THE MF SHOWER CURTAINS” I wanted to be mad but I couldn’t. I had to laugh. As I’m laughing and I get a drink, I’m like, “why are my bananas on the counter?” SHE TOOK THE BANANA HOLDER.
I immediately look right and guess what else is missing? THE MF PAPER TOWEL HOLDER TOO.
At this point, I’m chuckling. Cause like.... the thought process lol. So I proceed with my home and go back to my bathroom cause I still can’t believe I ain’t got shower curtains and guess what I see? THREE ROLLS OF TP ON THE GROUND. TP HOLDER, SWIPED.
SOAP AND LOTION DISPENSER? GONE. SKIN CARE SUPPLIES THAT WE BOTH USED, DISAPPEARED.
Now at this point I’m just looking to see what else she took lol. Go to the patio. Patio lights? SNATCHED. The vacuum I knew she was gonna take cause she paid that one lol. So I wasn’t mad at it. But essentially she took just about everything that was gifted for the house.
But here’s where I lost my shit lol. This was the second to last breaking point, but this one made me almost piss my pants from laughing so hard. I went to the laundry room, and the woman had taken EVERY SINGLE BOTTLE OF CLEANING SUPPLY.
I’M TALKING WINDEX, PLEDGE, TILEX, COMET, MULTI SURFACE, TIDE PODS, CARPET CLEANER. Like bro? What windows you fixing to be cleaning if you going back home...... https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💀" title="Schädel" aria-label="Emoji: Schädel">I couldn’t wrap my head around it and I wanted to be mad but I was impressed lol.
Now the last things that were missing did hurt Lowkey, bc they were gifts and I just feel like you don’t take gifts back bc she sure as hell didn’t return anything I gave her but she took my iPad and my AirPods... that one stung a lil. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Gesicht mit Freudentränen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Freudentränen">
That night I dragged Kristen to target to spend $200 to replace shit she took.. oh yeah I forgot about the wine opener. Now I assume she took shit that she bought? Which idk cause we split lots of stuff when it came to the house but now I’m gon keep receipts lol.
I like my shower curtains better anyways.....
And that’s it, that’s the story. Always gives me a good laugh. I hope she doing alright lol.
