Alright. Here we go. As promised, I will live tweet this Trump town hall, aka commit emotional suicide.

Thread.

Warning. There will be typos.

Why the hell is NBC even doing this?

Trump lies about having remaining covid symptoms.

Trump sounds congested.

Trump's face looks like ground beef.

Trump talks about his top of the line tax payer funded health care treatment. Socialism saved his life.

He lies about not having pneumonia.

Trump can't remember the last time before being hospitalized that he tested negative for covid.

Trump can't answer if he took a covid test on the day of the debate. This fucker here.

Why is he still alive?

Trump doesn't take a covid test every day.

Good god man, just say you didn't take a test before you tried to breathe all over Joe Biden.

Why did the WH hold events with no mask mandates?

Trump: Cocaine addled answer.

Trump: I'm president. I have to see people.

You can see people with a mask on.

Trump: people with a mask catch covid.

Me: Motherfcker people without a mask SPREAD it.

Trump proceeds to blame military families for spreading covid. This guy. Jesus Christ.

Trump: I can't be in a basement.

Me: you're going to prison so...

Hey, Trump, wear a god damned mask.

Trump: many people are catching covid

You dumbass, that's why I just said wear a mask.

Trump lies about U.S. covid infection numbers.

Trump lies about the US doing a good job on excess mortalities. Our numbers are horrific. Have to be worst in the world.

Trump says we have therapies, maybe even cure for covid

Reminds me of that time Trump said he had created the cure for Aids

Asked about herd immunity killing millions of people...

Trump: the cure cannot be worse than the disease.

What the flying fuck?

Trump can't explain why he thinks 250k dead people is the administration doing a good job but he says it's so.

Interpreting for Trump: lockdowns are worse than death.

Ummmm, I can survive a lockdown. I can't survive death.

This dude is insane. I expect to repeat this regularly.

Why am I sober? What the fuck am I thinking?

Hey, Trump finally denounced white supremacy. You're weeks late bro.

Trump's voice is eating away at my soul.

Let it be known that I hate you all for this. I could be listening to Joe Biden heal America but I'm stuck with this shit because you're all masochists.

Trump basically defends QAnon crackhead ass conspiracy theories and pretends he doesn't even know what QAnon is.

Trump agrees with QAnon being strongly against pedophilia. Bro, you're in a million pics with Epstein and wishing Ghislaine Maxwell well in prison. The fuck you talkiny about?

Trump defends retweeting Joe Biden having seal team 6 being murdered to cover up the fake death of Osama Bin Laden. This dude is a crackhead.

Trump: that was a retweet. I do a lot of retweets.

Huh?

I should have shot up with lysol instead of this.

Will you accept a peaceful transfer of power?

Trump: Ramblefuckery about ballots.

Omg. I only have two bottles of beer. The fuck am i going to do? I might not survive.

Trump: Thousands of ballots dumped in the garbage with my name on it.

Bro, it was like 2 ballots and Bill Barr planted them.

Trump: they're the ones who worked with Russia.

Bro, we just found out US intel warned you about Giuliani being a Russian asset a year ago.

Why did you coverup how deadly covid was?

Trump: It's Joe Biden's fault.

Trump: I instituted a travel ban and saved lives.

Fucker, you banned the wrong countries and didn't actually even ban travel.

Again. I hate you all.

Trump voting family leaning Biden: how are you going to fix the economy?

Trump: market, jobs, housing, drug induced unintelligent response.

Trump: We're going to have the greatest economy we've ever had. We're going to open it up, we had a v shape, completely switched his train of thought and went off on some unrelated subject. He does this all the damned time.

The daughter asks him after contracting covid if his views on masks have changed.

Trump: an 80 word response that equates to no.

I've never heard someone who moves on to multiple different subjects in the same sentence without ever finishing a thought like this. This is crazy.

Commercial break. THANK FUCKING GOD.

They need to get a fact checker in here stat.

Im almost out of beer.

Listening to Trump butcher English is enough to make me vote for Joe Biden alone.

Lady: You're going to repeal and replace Obamacare. With what?

Trump: we repealed the individual mandate, followed by lie after lie after lie after lie with no actual real plan to replace it. Obamacare is terrible. It's the worst healthcae in the history of healthcare.

He never said what the plan was outside of repealing Obamacare.

Youre going yo SCOTUS to get them to throw out Obamacare.

Trump: that's right. With pre existing conditions, we're going to protect... all..
Republicans?

Freudian slip?

Trump: We'd like to repeal it and replace it with something much better.

Ok, you've had four years. What the hell are you replacing it with?

Joe White, a black guy: Democrats have a stimulus package, why won't you pass it?

Trump: Nacy Pelosi is the problem?

Bro, she's the one with a stimulus bill on the table.

Hey Trump, you just tweeted no more negotiations for a stimulus package on the table.

Trump: have you ever heard of negotiating?

People's lives are on the line

Trump: Pelosi doesn't want to give the money.

Uh, GOP said it was too much money.

Undecided voter: corporate barely pay taxes. Why do you want to lower corporate taxes even further?

Trump: has no fucking idea what he's talking about. Switches thought mid sentence. Car companies are coming into Michigan now that taxes are low.

NYT has your taxes and you'll owe $421M over the next 4 years. Who do you owe money to.

Trump: First, what they did was illegal. I'm also very underleveraged. Trails off into some random thoughts about Bank of America and how he doesn't like what's going on there.

Trump still won't say who he owes money to.

Trump: I don't owe money to Russia.

Trump: It's called mortgages.

Trump says half a billion dollars is a tiny percentage of his net worth.

Bro, you ain't worth no half a trillion dollars.

Trump: I'm treated very badly by the IRS.

Trump claims he's under audit still. Longest audit in the history of money.

But you could release your taxes...

Trump: more incomprehensible ramblefuckery.

Someone is going to have to go back and figure out Trump's explanation for only paying $750 in taxes. It made 0 sense.

More incomprehensible gibberish.

Thank god for commercial. I've never said that before in my life.

If you've never been around someone on cocaine, you have now if you're watching this shit. Jesus.

Ok. Breath. Wooo sahh.

I deserve a double blowjob for this.

Please commercials, never end.

This 45 minutes has been the longest 3 hours of my life.

Random clinton voter: why do Republicans lie their ass off and act like hypocrites?

Trump: we can appointment justices to scotus no matter what we said in 2016.

Trump continues to suck Amy Covid Barretts dick.

Remember when you said Obama shouldn't appoint Merrick Garland?

Trump: Fuck democrats because Kavanagh.

Is Amy Covid Bullshit going to steal the election for you?

Trump: Pretty much.

A linguistical study should be done on this guys ridiculously limited vocabulary, unusual syntax, and inability to finish a sentence.

After Scotus fucks over women, what will you do?

Trump: I've never talked to Scotus justices about anything.

Hint: yes he has.

But what's your preference on Roe v Wade?

Trump: Incomprehensible mumbling. I want someone who will make a great decision.

The fuck does that even mean?

Cindy: I have have a child of color. Tell police to stop killing us.

Trump:I fully understand the question.

Trump: Tim Scott had a bill that was strong in terms of law enforcement.

I have no idea what that even means.

Trump: I did more for you negroes than anybody but Lincoln. I'm a white savior.

Some hoe compliments Trump on his smile. This bitch is high too.

Immigration. Everyone likes dreamers. Why the hell are you torturing them?

Trump: DACA is somewhat different than dreamers. You understand that better than probably anyone.

Oh. That motherfucker immigrated here from Russia. No wonder she likes Trumps face even though it looks like it got ran over by a lawnmower.

He blames his terrible immigration policies on the pandemic.

Im going to shoot myself in the middle of Fifth Avenue if I have to listen to Trump talk for another goddamned minute.

NBC must have heard me. 30 seconds until a commercial break.

5, 4, 3, 2...

I'm going to eat my own face off.

Ok. I needed that mental break. I ate the rest of my beer instead of my face.

Extended commercial break. Maybe god is real.

Even better. It's over. I'm so traumatized it took me a full 7 minutes to realize it.

Main take aways: Trump is on crack.

I'm slowly coming back to life.

No one should ever be subjected to that hell.

Watching Trump speak vs CIA water torture... might be even. At least you can drink some of the water if you're thirsty.