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thread of my thought process/feelings with the album: “the caretaker- everywhere at the end of time (stages 4-6)
before reading the rest this album deals with heavy dissociation, derealization and just emotions in general. it’s supposed to mimic having dementia until the bitter end
stage 4:
G1: the beginning is so jumbled and mixed it sounds like a fnaf jumpscare but just endless. everything is so distorted and warped you cant understand anything. holy fuck it’s the A1 track you can barely understand anything though. +
G1: the beginning is so jumbled and mixed it sounds like a fnaf jumpscare but just endless. everything is so distorted and warped you cant understand anything. holy fuck it’s the A1 track you can barely understand anything though. +
G1 (cont.): it’s horrifying. it sounds like somebody’s being ripped apart. you can hear deep breathing while the person is trying to so desperately remember the A1 song. it kind of sounds like what i would believe to be gon’s mind when he transformed+
G1 (cont.): It’s an audible version of you as a husk of yourself. just a shadow of the person you once were. it’s so long and i’ve completely forgotten about the songs in the first three stages. +
H1: it sounds like the pits of hell where all the lost souls are screaming for help. it’s just noise and no music. there’s waves of white noise and then snippets of the A1 track. it seems so long ago, nearly forgotten. +
H1 (cont.): i can see skipping around and being thrust into the middle stage can mess up your mental health. the caretaker does a good job of using stages 1-3 to ease you into the pain you have to endure now. +
I1: i actually really liked this one it was very blissful and peaceful. it tickled my brain in all the right spots and was very calming. reminded me of C418 music. +
J1: old music with sudden stops and garbled with distortion. if you listen closely you can hear a man humming, just barely though. this reminds me of an abandoned house, a record player playing while you stand to look at the walls and the entire place disrupted +
J1 (cont.): i can hear the distant beginnings of A1 but i cant even remember what A1 sounds like. my mind is numb and i feel immune to thought or any intense fear. if someone were to try and scare me right now or even attack me. i don’t think i’d have a reaction
stage 5: there is just extremely garbled out voiced and you can’t make out what they’re saying. it’s the same track from A1 but i cant tell its so warped and static. i can kind of hear someone scream but it’s so distorted. my brain feels like someone is kneading it into dough+
K1: the music is just cut out, there’s nothing there, just an empty void-less shell. for a second it gives us what A1 used to sound like. someone is speaking but it’s covered by white noise and static. i feel as if this is stripping me of feeling, i can’t feel anything right now+
L1: it’s even more distorted and garbled if that’s even possible. i can hear someone in the background a choir maybe? there is no music it’s just random white noise and static. i can barely hear some music but it’s mainly dark and just extremely unsettling. i also got a migraine+
N1: the mood changed from mortal peril to despair. it feels like holding a dead rose and gripping all the thorns. bleeding out and being left for dead. there’s a piano playing but i can barely make it out over the white noise. i want it to end i’m tired. +
N1 (cont.): the static has gone away and it is now this low melody that something is engulfing you and is about to attack. my brain feels like it’s been massaged and now doused in ice. it’s empty with no memories or recollection of the past. no hope just a vast void
stage 6: there is nothing but ambience. no more white noise or static. it’s silent. i want it to end i cant remember the music from the beginning at all. i want there to be music so badly it’s just ambience and it feels so alien. +
O1: there is a mosquito noise almost it’s unbearable loud and hostile with a now popcorning noise but with static. as if they are stripping a dead body of its parts. there’s music but it’s so faint i cant even tell if it’s music or not. +
O1 (cont.): you can almost hear the A1 track but it’s so murky like a distant memory. you hear a couple seconds of the music and it gets drowned out again. for a split second you hear a voice but it’s indecipherable. +
P1: the 20s music is now playing exceptionally loudly, it’s probably the end for him. the slow decline to death. the music stops and you hear crickets or static i cant tell and then the ambience grows.
P1: i’m now around the 15 min until the end mark. there is just silence but now there’s a new type of music being played. like an organ almost. you’re being engulfed by a warm nothingness. the sun shining on you as you finally breathe your last breath+
R1: the music ended and the person playing it stopped the record player. someone descends down a stairwell or is it an elevator shaft? a distorted laugh then the transition to the final song. you hear a choir but it’s so incredibly distorted you can’t hear what they are singing+
R1 (cont.): they are singing and you can hear the coughing of a man. the person is dying and they are singing him farewell. during dementia the knowledge of music is the last thing to go. this is fitting. a fitting goodbye for the caretaker.
R1 (cont.): i’m glad i listened to the 2 1/2 hours of static to hear this. they’re wailing for his return and mourning his mind and body. as i write this with one minute left, the voices have faded and the song draws to a close. a murmur as it eases into nothing. they are dead.
all in all, listening to this was a both a privilege and experience that i’m so glad i got to enjoy and i highly recommend for you to try it out at least one day. it’s ok if you can’t get through the whole thing, it’s harsh i know.
i loved it. it’s a masterpiece that i wasn’t aware that could even exist.
