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“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” ––Martin Luther King Jr.
This will be an honest, vulnerable, painful post.
I've been somewhat disturbed by yesterday's silence in light of @portlandmercury article about E.D. Mondaine.
This will be an honest, vulnerable, painful post.
I've been somewhat disturbed by yesterday's silence in light of @portlandmercury article about E.D. Mondaine.
As Portlanders, we have a tendency to say something nice or say nothing at all. This ‘Portland Nice’ often equates to silence when faced with injustice.
These past 3 years, the truth telling of survivors has brought reckoning to our society and culture. But our work is not done.
These past 3 years, the truth telling of survivors has brought reckoning to our society and culture. But our work is not done.
During this time of stay at home orders, the number of domestic violence survivors calling to escape their abusers has ballooned exponentially.
Now, the allegations are a little closer to home. It’s especially crushing when it’s a leader working on issues close to our hearts.
Now, the allegations are a little closer to home. It’s especially crushing when it’s a leader working on issues close to our hearts.
I am torn and dismayed to think about how another scandal involving a respected Black leader reflects on the community as a whole, and how these actions (not just the publicity of these actions) pose a risk to the hard-fought progress we’ve hoped for our Black community.
But I believe survivors. That point unfortunately has to be reinforced.
Because of these revelations, many of us are grappling with shock and a storm of emotions. Still, we must find the strength to center the humanity of the survivors.
It is not easy to share the trauma perpetrated against you. I, as a child abuse survivor, know this intimately.
It is not easy to share the trauma perpetrated against you. I, as a child abuse survivor, know this intimately.
It's even harder when your story is examined underneath the public microscope.
Survivors do not speak up, because we as a society have normalized toxic masculinity and have been complacent with predatory behavior.
Survivors do not speak up, because we as a society have normalized toxic masculinity and have been complacent with predatory behavior.
For too long, we've stigmatized truth telling and protected abusers with whatever bullshit reason we can think of. And it's even worse when it involves powerful men.
Before speaking up, these survivors had to account for his public album of photo ops with civic and business leaders, his dedicated and zealous following in the religious community, and his prominent status in the civil rights community.
Eleven people have come forward with their stories of abuse, and the silence is deafening.
If our reaction is silence, why would even one survivor feel safe coming forward?
If our reaction is silence, why would even one survivor feel safe coming forward?
This conversation is important for men especially. For too long, we’ve shirked our responsibility in dismantling predatory culture. Abuse impacts all of us.
Holding abusers accountable is not enough. After the call outs and headlines fade into history, survivors’ futures are full of living nightmares.
It’s up to us to make sure their vulnerability and courage mean something.
My hope, and expectation, is that we, as a community, center these survivors.
We must validate their experiences, and give them the real support they need to heal.
My hope, and expectation, is that we, as a community, center these survivors.
We must validate their experiences, and give them the real support they need to heal.
Silence is a gift to the oppressor. We must do better.
Here's a powerful Ted Talk on the danger of silence: https://www.ted.com/talks/clint_smith_the_danger_of_silence
