sometimes, i remember that the main square in cambridge was home to two takeaway vans known as the van of life and the van of death, and i ask myself anew if the three years i spent in that weird little alternate reality of a city were actually a strange nightmare

there were, as far as i could tell, no real differences between the van of life and the van of death. they occupied opposing corners of the square, and students pledged allegiance to one or the other. i still don't understand where the names came from.

i do know that the van of life embraced its name and rebranded to officially become the van of life. the van of death, perhaps unsurprisingly, didn't do that

other extremely strange cambridge things: i had to explain the concept of 'danger spoons' (going to wetherspoons on a friday or saturday night, thereby risking hooking up with a non-student) to uninitiated friends a few weeks back. the reaction was primarily confusion

there's an inexplicable paving slab on king's parade that reads 'high maintenance life'. i gather with hindsight that it's from an art exhibition from 1999? but it felt like a very grim omen whenever i walked past it en route to a supervision

there is a park in cambridge called, i shit you not, 'christ's pieces.'

there's obviously the usual tranche of absurd oxbridge 'you must walk through this gate ONLY crossing this bridge or else the ghost of lord byron will piss in your wine' legends, but honestly the only weird cambridge shit i care about is the street-level weirdness

elite academia mythology is fun but it's everywhere. meanwhile i sincerely believe that cambridge, the city, is cursed

Just Saying, there are places you have mental breakdowns in, and there are places designed by satan for the sole purpose of giving untried disaster people a place to lose their whole shit. cambridge is the latter.

oh my god i can't believe i almost forgot the best/worst cambridge fact:

there's a bridge which is sort of angular, and peaks in the middle. it is almost exclusively known as 'orgasm bridge.'

i used to walk from place to place in cambridge halfway convinced that the city itself was trying to crush the life out of me, and if you will allow me to be a bit facetious about it, orgasm bridge accounted for at least 30% of that malaise on any given day

by request: there's a lamppost in the middle of one of the local parks called 'reality checkpoint,' the idea being that once you pass the lamppost you have left cambridge and re-entered reality. it's a whole thing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_Checkpoint