The #nuclearban treaty is close to entering into force, so let's predict what the nuclear armed states will say in their joint statement on that day.

I think it will start with the old classic line from @USAmbCD, "the ban will not disarm a single nuclear weapons".

@FR_Desarmement will then insist on the statement clearly say that this will NOT be customary law under any circumstances, because their worst nightmare is that the ICJ will one day rule that nuclear weapons are illegal.

@UKMissionGeneva will add a line that this will undermine the NPT because they need to pretend that the NPT allows for "responsible" nuclear armed states, since this is the only way the British can pretend they're still a "global power".

@mfa_russia will throw in something about how we have to take into account the "difficult international security environment" and secretly giggle about how they're actually the ones causing the difficult international security environment.

@Chinamission2un will make a suggestion to include that disarmament can only happen through "a gradual process" to pretend that nuclear disarmament would totally happen if just the other 4 wanted to do it.

A French intern will be asked to make a high quality graphic that symbolises the unity and power of the nuclear armed states.

Russia will insist that they add a line that says none of them will ever join the treaty and the representatives of the three democratic states will all agree and hope no one calls them out on that they actually cannot say that.

They could just hire @Wildfire_v to write it for them, hitting that perfect balance between seriousness and hilariousness.