For almost 10 years of my young ass life I really convinced myself that if I just loved someone right, if I could just smother them with goodness and understanding that I could make them “good”. That if I kept on applying this practice to men I was with that it would work lol

I thought I could love them through being emotionally and physically abusive. Through their manipulation and their neglect and their complete disregard of my humanity. I dead ass thought I could be that one. Lmao

It’s why I’m so indifferent now and why I’m so much more full now and fulfilled with my own shit lol ppl think I’m joking or being dramatic or bitter and it’s like? I tried. I tried really hard. That shit was pointless so now I refuse. The end lol