Idea: a megathread where I describe how I think each senator climaxes.

When Mitch McConnell climaxes his eyes bulge just a little and he extends his neck like a tortoise before making a rumbling sound with his throat and desperately licking his lips.

When Ted Cruz climaxes it’s on top of a baconator wrapper while incest porn plays in the background. When the video stops and he’s forced to confront his reflection he has a moment of unfathomable despair—then he finishes the baconator.

Lindsay Graham climaxes just like the most powerful person near him climaxes.

Susan Collins waits to see how everyone else climaxes first.

Rand Paul can only climax if an audiobook of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is playing.

Ben Sasse has never had sex.

Elizabeth Warren can’t climax without 50 leftists rushing in to tell her she’s doing it wrong.

Angus King can only climax if he’s dressed as a fisherman, head to toe in rubber, with his ass and crotch cut out.

Joe Manchin climaxes exactly like Shelley Capito 80% of the time.

Tom Cotton practices tantric sex and only orgasms through solo masturbation after hours of nude meditation listening to the screams and cries of children.

Chuck Grassley last climaxed while celebrating the Battle of Inchon. These days he comes closest in handicapped stalls of public restrooms, but inevitably suffers from retrograde ejaculations while gasping for air like a drowning fish.

John Kennedy doesn’t believe in sticking small objects into a woman’s body.

It is unknown how Amy Klobouchar climaxes because she kills whoever she mates with.

If you object to how soon Mike Lee climaxes he pulls out a pocket constitution to insist that it’s an unenumerated right to bust a nut in 20 seconds.

In the inverse of their race, Ed Markey always comes second while Joe Kennedy, well

Marco Rubio will only climax if he’s wearing dress socks. He also keeps his eyes open the whole time.

Bernie Sanders falls out of bed every single time he climaxes. Ass over elbows, into the wall.

Cory Booker can’t climax unless someone is watching.

Marsha Blackburn re-enacts complicated plantation scenarios to achieve climax.

Lamar Alexander does his best to climax quietly so no one notices him. He bites his lower lip and makes soft hon hon hon sounds.

Chuck Grassley is an angry cummer.

Josh Hawley hasn’t climaxed since college. A girlfriend experimented with prostate milking and it freaked him out, but he’s never been able to reach release since.

Mitt Romney climaxes while looking concerned.

Also while being fully clothed.

Rick Scott does not climax. He just lures mates to his lair and consumes them whole and derives sexual pleasure from that.

However Tim Scott climaxes Lindsay Graham talks about it on Face the Nation within a few days.