Today’s therapy session marked 11 months that I’ve been consistently attending therapy and I have to say, I’ve gotten a lot out of this experience.

Full transparency: I started therapy last November after the abrupt ending of a relationship leading to what felt like a breakdown.

I went into therapy, seeking to cope through that moment, not knowing that it would be a journey that spanned months of healing from not only that breakup, but dealing with issues within my family unit and other areas within my personal life.

I was nervous for this evening’s session, because I’ve spent the last two weeks processing feeling provoked to lash out in a way that I didn’t intend to here on Twitter a few weeks back.

I felt like that moment represented a backslide in the progress that I’ve made over the last few months. It wasn’t a reflection of my “best self”, so I was nervous to process what that represented.

In tonight’s session, talking through everything made me see one thing: despite how ugly that moment felt, feeling provoked lead to me speaking my authentic feelings regarding certain experiences for the first time outside of to a select group of people.

In my first therapy session, my therapist told me that I needed to give myself the permission to “feel my emotions and actually express them”.

What happened a few weeks ago, wasn’t a reflection of how I wanted to conduct myself, but it was a true expression of how I felt.

These last eleven months, I’ve learned that despite how what I’m feeling may impact someone, it’s better to say those things in the moment than allowing those feelings to linger indefinitely.

I’ve also learned that sometimes, endings are messy and chaotic, and it doesn’t have any bearing on if the people involved are inherently “good”.

Lastly, I’ve learned that it’s okay to admit when you’re not at your best.

In so many areas of my life, I was so focused on projecting “strength” when I was fucking crumbling on the inside. It didn’t make me strong, it actually made me weak AF.

It’s wild to think that a chaotic series of unfortunate events served as the vehicle for me to begin therapy and have the opportunity to heal and grow.

I hate what happened, but I am grateful for the growth.

My therapist is proud of the progress that I’ve made over the last year and I am too. I’m going to continue on this healing journey and see where I takes me.

I hope everyone is healing. (/end thread)