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I was arrested by Seattle PD after driving and handing out water bottles in a Black Lives Matter march. The police report said that I was "handing out shields to rioters." I NEVER "HANDED OUT SHIELDS" to anybody and I have no idea where people who have shields get them from.
I was handing out WATER BOTTLES. The first pic is from the signs on the car that day. This is the same car that I later put the signs on saying "THIRST TRAP", because I was handing out water; if I'm handing out shields, the joke doesn't work, dumbasses!
(Not that there's anything illegal about handing out shields; at marches where police have been firing pepper spray and rubber bullets at innocent people, handing out shields is a reasonable thing to do! But I wasn't.)
The same Detective Knapp who saw me "handing out shields" was also sued along with some other cops in 2015 for breaking into a backyard party and arresting several people on baseless charges, after the cops yelled "Come on motherfuckers, let's do this": https://bit.ly/2HazFOQ
The other part of my Probable Cause statement said that I was helping to orchestrate a riot at 11th and Pine at around 7 PM: "An unlawful assembly order was declared. Haselton remained in the car brigade, defiant of police orders..."
In real life, I was nowhere near there. I was 1.5 miles away at @pagliaccipizza where US Bank verified I bought a slice of pizza at 7:01 PM. The Seattle PD Twitter feed timestamped the "unlawful assembly order" at 7:06 PM.
Then I came out saw that I had a flat, which I took pictures of and posted online (saying "Am I 19 or am I 41? Changed a tire successfully but not without posting it on Facebook"). Timestamps on the photos are from 7:18 to 7:54 pm, while the alleged "riot" was going on.
So, how did that paragraph get into my arrest report? Well, we saw the reports for some other people arrested that night, and they were almost word-for-word identical to mine, with only the names changed. And the report for one girl said:
"The car brigade, including Haselton..."
"The car brigade, including Haselton..."
Yes, the police just had a list of us they wanted to nail, and they copied and pasted the same statements into everybody's reports without caring if it was true, and they forgot to change all of the names.
And they had the extraordinarily bad luck to do it to someone who's addicted to pizza and can't change a flat fucking tire without taking timestamped pictures to show everybody.
