I went to the hospital today with two situations. One was a rash on my hand which has been affecting me for MONTHS. I have eczema but it doesn’t feel like it and this would be my second time returning for the rash. The second was my whole pinky toe nail being black.

It was only a slight discoloration a week ago and today it caught me off guard, so I went to the hospital. Finally when it was my turn a white man comes in. Eyes me down, asks me what the situation was, I spoke about the first—my hand. “I’ll just give you some steroids for that.”

“Yeah but I came a month ago for this and was given steroids... will it be the same ones? “Don’t know haven’t checked your chart.” Ok... “The second situation is my pinky toe. The nail is black.” “You probably just stubbed it. It’ll be fine.” “But I didn’t stub it...”

“I’m sure you did... Is that it?” “Yes.” I’m looking down at the floor because I was so SHOCKED at his idgaf tone and the look in his eyes when I spoke about my hand. While I’m looking at the floor, he hovers over me for 15 seconds without saying anything and walks out.

Is that it? A morning of anxiety, and sitting in a hospital for maybe a minute of a half of conversation? My family has a history of cancer so I am ALWAYS scared when things pop up on my body, and my nail being black FREAKED ME OUT. The discoloration seeped into my skin.

He then walks back in. “It’s just on your thumb knuckle right?” “No, my whole hand...” and he’s gone again.

I started to cry RIGHT AWAY. We have doctors ADMITTING that they don’t take black women’s pain seriously which is why so many of them die while giving birth amongst other things and here is this doctor that didn’t even know the condition of my rash while standing in front of me?

I called my boyfriend and he said to request another doctor— and so I did. A black woman came in and asked me what the issue was. I told her about my hand... She grabbed it and examined it. “Do you have eczema?” “Yes.” “It could be that but I’ll prescribe a few things for you.”

“I also have something wrong with my toe.” “Can I see?” I take off my shoe. She raises my chair and pulls out something at the bottom of the chair that allows me to elevate my foot. She takes a closer look. “You could have bruised it. It looks like its healing.”

“Yeah but I didn’t hit it?” “Well, it doesn’t take much to have [insert scientific word] to pop. It could show more blood before it disappears. We could do an X-Ray but I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s still an option.” I look into her eyes and start crying.

This woman said perhaps the SAME EXACT THING as the white doctor. The difference was her tone, her touch, the eye contact... She ASKED questions, gave me options, gave me causes. This white doctor was working IN THE HOOD. Now, I don’t know his ideologies or know who he is at all

But sir... you’re in the hood. You will see black patients. I don’t know if you’re just in it for the money and this was the closest clinic to work at, but don’t come into OUR neighborhoods and give us mediocre care. These are the types of doctors that kill black women.

It was such a large distinction between the two and I know that although there are amazing g white doctors out there who care for all lives... I would prefer a black women moving forward. Thank you for all your hard work sisters.