#niecest soulmate au where nmj has to reject his soulbond with his half brother and the consequences are not pretty.

the nies are cursed. nmj has heard the tales growing up, of how nies were destined to form bonds with people impossible to obtain. nies never end up with their soulmates and it is the pressure of this unfulfilled bond that forces their qi deviations.

nmj’s own father could not be his soulmate, for he died at a young age just after their souls connected. the grief forced his father to marry early to bury the pain and thus he had nmj. nmj and his understanding wife had managed to partially fill the gap in sect leader nie.

but then his first wife died and his health declined dramatically. nmj was only 6 when he witnessed his father’s mid level qi deviation. it scared nmj but he still didn’t understand the situation entirely. at his young age, he was determined to be with his soulmate no matter what

luckily, sect leader nie was charmed by a dancer whose movements made him forget the growing chasm in his chest. his health improved stagnantly, but at least he wasn’t deviating on a weekly basis. nmj did not want his situation to be the same, fleeting from one body to another

nmj is eight when his stepmother gives birth, he is eight when he finally forms a bond.... with his newborn baby brother.

nmj feels tethered to the baby, his whole body is lit on fire as he holds huaisang for the first time. huaisang, who was crying as babies do, fell eerily silent when placed in nmj’s hold. the formation of their bond must have been obvious bc before he knows it, theyre separated

the nies are cursed to have soulmates they cannot be with. sometimes its masters & slaves, sometimes death takes them away too soon, it be anything that prevents them from happily fulfilling a bond. but the nies never had to deal with... incestous soulmate bonds.

nmj is 8. his father explains to him that he Cannot be with his soulmate, with nhs, because they are BROTHERS. nmj doesnt understand, nhs isnt plagued by sickness and bound to die nor is he chained by debts by bidders. they could very well fulfil a bond once nhs is of age.

his father doesnt listen. he demands that nmj reject the bond. sect leader nie looks on the verge of a qi deviation as he threatens to snap the baby’s neck himself if nmj doesnt reject their bond immediately. nmj will take the suffering upon himself before he allows harm on nhs

so nhs is placed in nmj’s arm again, this time unhappily. his stepmother is shaking through tears, he wonders if she resents him right now. nmj holds the quiet baby close to him before whispering into his ears “i cannot be your soulmate, i am rejecting this bond.” nhs wails.

immediately, his burning blood is extinguished. something cold and cruel settles in his bones, it hurts. he wonders if it hurts nhs too. nmj dumps his brother back into his stepmothers arm and makes himself scarce. he thinks his bones might crack with how weak they feel.

he knows he’ll be condemned to the same fate as the nies before him. pain, qi deviations, insatiable loneliness. or maybe not? maybe if nmj is the best brother he can be, then he & nhs wont have to fulfil their bond physically to survive.

nmj is at least allowed in nhs’s life, that’s more than he can say for the past nie soulbonds — who were always separated in devastating ways. his father told him to reject the bond, but they will still be brothers. nmj will be the best brother, even if the chill eats his bones

nhs is a terribly weak baby, nmj knows why. he almost resents his father for forcing a rejection when nhs’s body is at its most weakest point, theres the possibility of death bc nhs’s tiny body would not be ready to handle the insane amount of pain.

but nhs is a fighter, they all learn. he feeds inconsistently from his mother, he always cries, he is small. but he lives. nmj becomes bedridden the night of the rejection, the chill reaches the depth of his body, despite having a decent core — it doesnt warm him anymore.

nmj aches and aches, he recalls how his bones used to feel sturdy, how his arms didnt fall limply, he longs for the powerful strength in his legs when he used to run. he’s grateful he didnt qi deviate immediately but he misses his old self, one that wont return.

but nmj recovers, as nhs steadily fights for his life. nmj focuses on retraining himself, on working around the brittle feeling in his bones, on cultivating a perfect core. nhs’s progress isnt as great or linear, he is incredibly weak at 3 — nmj isnt allowed to meet him yet.

nhs’ mother dies when he’s 4 and no bigger than when he was 2. she didnt believe her son would make it very far and this grief killed her. nhs is placed in the care of skilled healers from qishan. nmj is finally allowed to see him, he holds nhs for a second time when hes 4.

nhs smiles for the first time, he stops crying and lets out a giggle. the doctor in charge, wen qing, proclaims to sect leader nie that despite the rejected bond it is important that nmj be apart of nhs’ life if they should hope the boy survives. nmj is allowed to be a brother

nhs does not form a core at 5 like nmj did, they suspect that he might never form one with his current state. despite these claims, nhs’ grows in leaps and bounds under nmj’s watchful gaze. he is a weak child, but nhs makes nmj proud when he smiles and learns how to walk at 6.

his first words come when he’s 7, held steady by wq as they wave nmj off for his study in cloud recesses. it’s soft, it’s almost silent, like a prayer. “da-ge” huaisang says, his lips shivering. nmj hops off the boat to collect nhs in his arms. he thinks he hears his bone crack.

in gusu, far away from nhs, nmj’s bones rattle. they quake and cry. lxc helps him tune out the deafening sound within, he plays songs of clarity that do just enough that nmj can complete his studies. nhs falls ill again in qinghe, but wq ensures he lives and comes out stronger.

nhs is 15, he only recently formed a core but its weak and tiny. his dage threw a banquet in celebration, he was Proud. dage has always been proud of nhs, never condescending, never upset like their father had been in nhs’s foggy childhood memories. dage was warm.

nhs was always cold. he didnt know why. he assumed it was bc he formed his core so late, and he formed his core late bc his mother was not a cultivator. his blood was mixed and thus weak, this is what he has always known. but dage was never upset with him for his shortcomings

wen qing had returned to qishan when he was 13, deeming him old and healthy enough to not warrant her constant supervision. he missed her, but he had dage. he did not miss his father, whom he does not remember. who died when he turned 10, forcing dage to take over the sect.

he is 15 now, and has a core. so naturally, he is being sent to the CR. nhs doesn’t want to go, he makes this much clear by throwing tantrums, interrupting meetings, vandalizing the walls. dage is still warm as he envelops him in a hug and pats his head. he never gets mad.

reluctantly, nhs leaves. nhs is always cold, but something about gusu makes his blood freeze, harden like ice. he doesnt like being away from dage, where dage’s warmth cant reach him, where dage cant protect him. but dage was so happy about his core, about his studies in CR.

nhs cant stand to make dage upset. he thinks he would die on the spot if he caused a frown to reach dage’s lips.

nhs is cold, weak, tired and lazy. he always has been. it is bc of his mixed blood. nhs sticks to wq’s brother wen ning, who seems to be lwj’s soulmate. nhs befriends him bc wn is dear to him, so is his soulmate as a result. but nhs quickly feels like a 3rd wheel when theyre tgt

so nhs befriends the yunmeng trio. yanli is kind and reminds him of his dage. wwx is silly, loud and fun to be around. jiang cheng is cold.

he writes to dage about how wwx antagonizes lwj, about lqr’s strict punishments, about how jc is steadily becoming his best friend (he cant explain why, they just sit next to each other in their stark coldness), about how lxc frets over him as if nhs were fragile. he misses dage

in return, dage tells him to focus on his studies (but doesn’t emphasize this too much), boring sect details, he talks about his new general meng yao and briefly expresses a certain interest in the man, nhs says he’s eager to meet him when he returns. (he gets colder).

in qinghe, nmj struggles to keep himself in check. he has his first qi deviation episode the night of nhs’ departure. no one speaks of it. wen qing is called over immediately and he is chained to the bed for a week.

during the year of nhs’ study, nmj encounters meng yao amongst his disciples and immediately recognizes the talent and potential. meng yao easily becomes a close friend and confidant, nmjs bones dont rattle as intensely in his presence.

at some point, nmj comes clean to meng yao about his curse, his rejected bond with nhs and how he will be doomed to a short life of qi deviations. meng yao, smart yet kind, offers to help ease the pain as much as possible. he makes life easier for nmj, they’re happy.

(idk if its obvious but wens arent evil bc i dont want to deal with that so no evil wen business or anything)

meanwhile, wwx gets expelled and consequently jc opens up to nhs about their bond. wwx, it seems, is a free spirit who has no need for soulbonds. jc relays the day the harsh coldness settled in his bone in detail, how he was 10 when wwx decided he wanted everyone except for jc

jc cries about how he felt lethargic, upset and unable to move. how the creeping winter inside his body paralyzed him for so long that his core was weakened. nhs vaguely thinks that the coldness jc describes is much like his own. but nhs has always been cold, so why then?

nhs comforts jc the only way he knows how, with a hug and pat on the head. he knows he isnt warm like dage but he hopes it brings jc some comfort, if any. they lay in each others frozen arms and promise to pick each other up when they fall.

nhs manages to pass with jc’s help, he teaches him how he copes with the coldness and nhs’ core vaguely improves. he thinks it grows only towards the end of his stay at CR, when he knew that he’d be returning to dage soon.

nhs is excited to be home, to be with dage. he is not too thrilled about the proximity of one meng yao, however. he doesnt understand why, meng yao is extremely nice; he has cute dimples; treats dage like a human instead of someone solely to be feared. he is good but nhs is sad

when nhs watches as nmj tends to meng yao, chuckles at his lighthearted comments, brushes his hair over meng yao’s shoulder, holds his hand, walks him to his chambers, he is filled with something heavy. for the first time nhs feels smth akin to burning, heating under his skin

he doesn’t like it at all. he feels frozen but his blood boils at the same time. maybe nhs feels forgotten? its unclear but how can he be upset when his dage has found love? how can he be selfish? nhs is briefly reminded of jc, who longs for wwx — a boy who loves everything else

but jc feels that seething pain bc wwx is his /soulmate/. dage is not nhs’ soulmate so it makes no sense. he is just being a bratty, spoiled child who isnt used to sharing what is his. nhs will just have to give it some time. meng yao is kind, he cares for both the nies. hes good

one month later, the contradicting burning and freezing feeling doesnt ease up. it only worsens when nmj declares that he will be formally courting meng yao. nhs hid his stiff smile behind his fan and then wrote an urgent letter to jc asking if he could visit lotus pier.

he feels like a terrible brother as he hides in yunmeng, clinging to jc and sobbing for reasons beyond himself. dage has always put nhs first, his happiness, his health, his safety. so why was nhs being so difficult? why cant he support dage and this big change? why did it hurt?

jc refuses to let nhs cry his core out. he distracts him with training, going out to stalls, eating soup with yanli. wwx is in qishan for reason unexplained, so nhs writes to wq who confirms that wwx is staying with them and spending all his time with wen ning. odd.

jc and nhs work it out. jc slips into nhs’ guest chambers and they hold each other to ease whatever is eating at them from inside out. nhs doesnt want to think abt the implications of his symptoms; everything he’s experiencing isnt bc of his weak mixed blood but bc of soulbonds

if its true, and nhs has been rejected then it mustve happened when he was a child bc wq and dage always told him stories of how small of a baby he was, how long it took him to grow and become healthy. he always thought it was his inherent weakness but maybe... if so, then who?

nhs knows dage doesnt tell him everything, he knows things are kept from him but he thought it was bc he was weak and dage didnt want to burden him. but now he needs to know. was he rejected as a baby? is that why he’s so cold and miserable? why he wants to jump out of his skin?

nmj thinks its high time he introduces meng yao to his best friend, lxc. he finds it important that the 2/3 most precious people in his life get along. he will handle nhs later, even though it hurts him. nmj trusts that meng yao and lxc will be good friends.

he does Not expect them to turn out to be soulmates. it makes for an awkward lunch. nmj watches as something twinkles in lxc’s eyes, meng yao’s smile grows deeper. its as if everything surrounding them glows, shines in love. nmj wonders if he and nhs made a similar spectacle

then the moment breaks when they realize their situation and gaping eyes turn to nmj, sorry and confused. nmj laughs. he cant find it in himself to upset about the turn of events, his bones have been shaking since nhs left for ymj, he knows he’ll never be satisfied even with MY

so he gives them his blessing on the spot. they retire after that, meng yao apologizes but nmj reassures him its not his fault and he would never force meng yao to choose nmj over his own soulmate. he knows the pain all too well. xiyao head out for gusu to tell lqr the next day

xiyao are quick to become engaged, to cement their bond in all the ways they can. since lans are particularly private abt their bonds, they keep things among close friends only for now. nmj has another episode soon after MY’s departure which warrants bringing wq to qinghe again

wq admonishes him for not taking care of himself. but its not his fault, ever since nhs left for yunmeng nmj hasnt felt the need to eat or sleep properly. his bones shake uncontrollably and now that MY is gone too, he has no one to distract him from it.

nmj also cant deny nhs time with his friends, its good for him to be sociable and expand his circle. nmj will eventually have to think abt nhs’s marriage, it would help of the boy ended up with someone he liked. even if the thought of anyone else being w/ nhs made nmjs skin crawl

in what nmj defines as a moment of pure weakness, forced by the irrational rumbling in his bones, he sends out a short but desperate letter to yunmeng: “meng yao is engaged. come home.”

nhs feels as if someone three him into a pond of ice water. he should be happy that his dage has gotten engaged with MY, instead he feels like every joint in his body is stuck in place. he can barely breathe, his eyes remain freakishly open as a stream of tears flow from them

it takes jc an hour to pull nhs from whatever trance like state he was suspended in. by then, jc had changed him into warmer robes, despite it being summer in yunmeng, and tucked him into bed under numerous blankets — as if to keep him safe from the outside world

“come with me” nhs finally says, jc protests. they received a letter the day before from wn informing them that wq brought wn & wwx to qinghe with her. the fact that wq was in qinghe worried nhs so he penned a letter to ask abt dage, but w/ news of the engagement, it makes sense

jc doesnt want to be near wwx & his new obsession, nhs doesnt want to be alone. not when he barely understands the plethora of feelings he’s been experiencing lately. he demands that jc accompany him, even going as far as to shakily get permission from madam yu directly

doesnt greet them at the entrance of the unclean realm like he usually would. it grates nhs’ nerves to think that dage didnt come to see him immediately bc he was probably busy with /meng yao/. the thought makes nhs reach for jc’s hand in a death grip. they dont mention it.

in fact, the first person they meet is wwx. its jc turn to turn nhs’ knuckles white. wwx, the oblivious asshole, hugs them both — his touch is disturbing to nhs who feels like there is smth buzzing under his skin, rumbling & quaking. jc visibly melts into the short lived touch

for a spilt second, theres no anguish on jc’s face. but the moment wwx pulls away, a pained look appears. jc hand feels colder. nhs makes note to ask about it later, what does jc feel with wwx? being apart causes jc to suffer, to hurt, but he’s never mad at wwx eithet.

nhs wants to punch wwx. how could he be so oblivious to the pain he causes jc? how could he not care? how could he deny his soulbond like that to play chicken with other people? WHY? why would he do that?

wwx is quick to forget about them as he skips around the unclean realm as if it were his own home, as if he was raised here all his life. nhs suddenly doesnt understand why he considered wwx a friend bc right now his existence is grating his nerves

dage is probably sucking face with meng yao, wwx is singing dumb ass songs he swings about wen ning - completely unaware of the turmoil hes causing jc /his soulmate/, jcs hand is freezing cold but he doesnt dare let go, the room feels like its spinning, nhs thinks he might hurl

there’s a loud drumming sound in his ears, layered by wwx’s babbling about wen ning’s archery skills.. when did wen ning appear? nhs doesnt feel jc’s hand in his so he squeezes tighter, his bones start rattling. theres a sound, like metal hitting metal in a long screech

his body feels cold, so fucking cold. but his blood feels like hes on fire. the opposing temperatures give him a headache, hell, it makes his entire body howl in pain. blood is rushing to his face, his hands crawl into his cheeks, his stomach hurts as he bends forward

“SHUT UP!” and suddenly wwx has been thrown into the wall by a blast of uncontrolled energy released from huaisang, he causes a crevice in the stone. huaisang isnt looking at him though bc his body is burning and freezing and his core is spinning dizzily inside him. he feels sick

his core is spinning. his head is spinning. nhs is spinning. round and round and round as he screams in pain, in fear, in confusion. he doesnt understand whats happening. why didnt dage greet him at the door? why is dage getting married to meng yao? is he not enough for dage?

“huaisang, stop, please.” he thinks he hears jc but he cant see jc bc his vision has gone red with spotty dots. theres a hand on him but its cold and nhs pushes it off roughly. then he flings /himself/ into a wall headfirst, hoping he could bash his head enough times to stop this

“A-SANG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” a loud clear voice calls out to him. nhs knows that voice, he knows it. he keeps flinging himself into hard stone walls. his energy keeps fluctuating, his body temperature erratic, his bones rattling. “he’s qi deviating—“ someone else says, wq?

someone makes to grab for him, the touch is searingly cold so nhs elbows the person in reflex. “cant you knock him out with your needles?” he knows that voice, its deep but whose? “look at that barrier, it wont penetrate. youve got to get him out of it.” “fucking HOW?”

who is it. who is it?! he’s about to fling himself again but then “a-sang! listen to me! listen to dage!” oh! OH! he knows this voice. DAGE! he knows he knows. but why does he sound... distressed? who hurt his dage? he’ll kill them!

nhs tries to turn to the source of the voice but the thrumming in his ears is too loud. he still cant see. “a-sang, listen. focus on dage.” nhs thinks he’s said smth in response but it comes out as a grunt. someone is trying to get closer to him. he can feel the steps they take