I haven't known how to share this story, but I do want to get it off my chest, so here goes.

It's a story of discrimination. I'm sure everyone has one. Thread:

In primary school, I went once to a math club at UCC (a boys' school. My school didn't have one).

My mom was like, you don't want to keep going there, you'll have difficulty finding a husband if you know too much math.

[... That's a joke, if you know how things turned out.]

I felt awkward to be young and female in that space, and I didn't return, but I did do the occasional math contest.

I remember the first time my grade was encouraged to go to one of the big ones.

Before the contest, I had been waiting with my friends in the hall for the room to open up. It was optional, so only the people who really liked math were there.

One of the guys asked me "What are you doing here? We're here for a math contest, you know."

"Uh, yea, so am I. I'm here to take it, too."

"Why? There's no point. There's a cutoff to be invited back and you're not going to make it."

Worst part is, he wasn't trying to be mean.

I was so mad, *so* *mad*, that I have to say it was motivating. That year, three of the people in my grade were invited back.

I was. He wasn't.

But when I returned for the invitational, it was scary. I was just a child, literally. Every single person was older than me, I couldn't find anyone I knew, and the room looked like a sea of older men.

I stood in the doorway. I looked at the teacher supervising. He looked at me. I knew him from class, but I don't think he realized why I was there.

He didn't invite me in. I turned around and went home.

I hadn't told my parents where I was going or anything, so there was no one to chide me for being back early. All the invitational math contests I did outside of school, I did on my own with just what we learned at school.

(Taking math contests on the sly....)

When I was older, more people from my grade got invited back. One year it looked like it was going to be me and maybe 6 or so guys going.

The same teacher asked me if I could watch over a young student who was going to be there for the first time and look after him. Like a mother hen, you know?

Like no one had looked out for me.

So yea, that was my experience with math contests. The thing I regret more was no one giving me any books or stuff. My friend in the hall got all these math books to read. Others skipped ahead a few years in math. I was invited to but my mom thought it'd be bad socially.

The student I "watched over" by the way (he doesn't know this, because I took my instructions literally and watched angrily through the test but didn't say anything) went on to be a math prof at the University of Toronto - I guess a colleague now.

Someone once asked me at CSAE, when I was on a closing plenary, how to encourage students from low-income countries, minorities, women, and I said start young. This is what I was thinking about.

While things turned out well, it makes me angry that in some respects I never had the foggiest chance to even make a good try, with systematic barriers at every level: parents, teachers, friends.

But life is long, and a perk of not having fit people's expectations is that I was free to think more for myself about what was important. I think in the long run that has been invaluable.

The situation is worse for many others. I had the good fortune to be born in a high-income country with access to good schools, etc. All those other privileges matter. But globally, it's a big issue and obviously needs progress.

Discrimination isn't always blatant. Sometimes, it's as simple as not inviting someone into the room.