A woman has just come into my local @StarbucksUK with a @CostaCoffee cup and sat down and started drinking it.

She’s not even bought a drink...from Starbucks... I wonder how this will turn out... #CoffeeShopWars

She keeps looking round at the staff, I don’t think they’ve noticed the bold burgundy cup she’s sipping from quite loudly...

Oh now she’s pulled out some snacks from a lunch bag and she’s feeding her kid. Still not a penny spent... she’s brave!

She’s moved the child’s buggy to hide her cup now, disturbingly she’s not even done the test and trace yet. Her husband has just sat down opposite her.

A member of staff has just taken a drink and food to the next table. I think they’ve been spotted. Maybe they’ve been rumbled.

The staff member is now telling her manager. The manager is looking, it’s starting to get uncomfortable. You can see the sweat on her forehead.

The woman has now got up, marched her kid to the toilet. I think he’s soiled himself. There was a distinct whiff of shit as they went past. My god what has that kid eaten?! It’s certainly not anything in here.

The staff are watching with piercing eyes as they walk across the coffee shop to the toilets considering they’ve not yet spent a penny in here.

Although that may be what they’ll do in the Starbucks bogs.

The staff are conferring with each other, who’s going to make the move and tell the woman she needs to leave unless she’s going to purchase something.

I’d definitely recommend the #PumpkinSpiceLatte

The woman is taking her time in the bog. I’m not surprised, considering the kid smells like he’s shat himself so much, the contents of his nappy could probably be sold to Russia as a nerve agent.

She’s coming back, the husband is now getting up, and he’s popped into Sainsbury’s opposite. She’s still there, chugging away on her Costa.

And now he’s back, he’s bought a couple of fruit shoots from Sainsbury’s for the kids. Still not a penny spent in Starbucks, well, aside from what the kid did in the bog, although that was probably a few pound by the smell of it.

They know they’ve been spotted, the manager is going over. I wish the husband had bought some popcorn for me to have. This could get interesting.

They’re packing their things up, when I say things, their shopping, but leaving their rubbish. The manager is challenging them, it’s quite a scene, the child is crying, the woman doesn’t see anything wrong with what she’s done.

The husband is stealthily trying to escape through the door with the buggy and other child that hasn’t shat himself. He keeps looking back with a look that says, “Good luck love! I’m off to the pub”

The woman is trying to justify herself now, she just told the manager that the coffee in costa is nicer than Starbucks, but the seating in Starbucks is nicer than costa. #ShotsFired

She’s now being asked to leave, which is a little ironic considering that exactly what she was doing. She’s been asked not to return.

She left saying she’ll be back, but it’ll be cafe nero next time.