Desperate times, absurdist measures: If you voted Trump, or 3rd party, or sat out 2016 and are now willing to end vile misrule by voting for Biden, send a photo of you in voting line or your mail-in ballot and I'll send a written apology for killing any TV character. #HonorSystem

To be fair and to serve the mission, don't give me writer's cramp if you were a Clinton voter in 2016. Let's deliver our thank-yous where they can most matter; notes sent to addresses in swing states will be especially solicitous.

Of course, I expect a deluge of Stringer Bell-related requests from suburban women.