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Quoting @xuenay below with the most succinct explanation of "creepiness". I want to add and expand on a few things, especially for dudes who conclude "girls are too complex" from their interactions with them, and turn to manosphere/alpha stuff to solve the wrong problem
: https://twitter.com/xuenay/status/1315591502287044611
: https://twitter.com/xuenay/status/1315591502287044611
2. As he says:
3. And from the article he quotes:
4. One might think, "oh but that's so unfair. This punishes non-conformity!". Yes, it does. But what is happening is survival instinct, and it would be far more irrational and irresponsible for a person, a woman on a date for example, or in DMs, to ignore this instinct.
5. Because even though it's a correlation, and the risk in question may be small, this small risk is uniquely life-threatening if it does come to pass.
6. This is a conservative heuristic in action, and in fact is a common mechanism behind most conservative ideas, both good and bad: establishing effective defaults not to be right about something all the time, but to never be disastrously wrong.
7. We have an intuitive understanding of categories of risks, and funnily enough, an untrained intelligence can confuse us into disregarding them, and a malicious one can co-opt them.
7. And so it can also be gamed: like faking manners, psychological tricks and interests to fool people into assuming good character
Or also as in genuinely attempting to "fake it till you make it."
(pictured: "The Gentleman Murderer", Władysław Mazurkiewicz)
Or also as in genuinely attempting to "fake it till you make it."
(pictured: "The Gentleman Murderer", Władysław Mazurkiewicz)
8. It can also be transcended: double down on non-conformity with such honesty that you attract the specific crowd you need, or cut through the bullshit.
This can be related Taleb's parable about choosing the polished top surgeon vs the top surgeon that looks like a butcher.
This can be related Taleb's parable about choosing the polished top surgeon vs the top surgeon that looks like a butcher.
9. And it can also be wrong: like being judgmental towards those who work with the dead.
So where does that leave you, just another guy, unsure how much to "be yourself" and how much to conform? Are there simple ways to put others at ease as you learn more about each other?
So where does that leave you, just another guy, unsure how much to "be yourself" and how much to conform? Are there simple ways to put others at ease as you learn more about each other?
10. I see a lot of dudes, especially Indian dudes, worshipping "alphas" and their manosphere, desperate to learn tricks to "be like them" in our repressed society.
11. But social repression and individual redirection are different things. Monks have a point: you must rein in your sexuality to understand in the first place that it was always under your control, neither a slave to it nor entitled to pleasure. This frees you.
12. And how would you do that? A start: instead of trying psychological tricks and playing games to get laid, consciously treat the space in front of you and the other person, whether its physical space or your DMs, as a canvas (poetic, I know).
13. Humans are aesthetic creatures: the goal is to create harmony and uniqueness in that canvas. A story. A narrative. Beauty. Meaning.
When you make mistakes in this context, it's only awkward. But necessary. It doesn't HAVE to work out each time: because you learn from it.
When you make mistakes in this context, it's only awkward. But necessary. It doesn't HAVE to work out each time: because you learn from it.
14. But when your canvas is claustrophobic, aggressive, pretentious, selfish, cagey or literally masturbatory from the start: the other person knows you might be dangerous and leaves or retaliates or puts up walls, and you learn nothing from the interaction.
15. @m_ashcroft has a great video on gaze/space that actually started the original thread:
I think this mastery of space is fundamental, hence my metaphor of the canvas, and it carries over into consent, charm and fun and making those feel genuine.
I think this mastery of space is fundamental, hence my metaphor of the canvas, and it carries over into consent, charm and fun and making those feel genuine.
16. For more on natural charm and communication, that embraces the entire spectrum between aggression and passiveness, and being yourself and conformity, all in the right contexts, follow/observe @visakanv
