Read on Twitter
oh my god this entire thread
tw suicide, self harm //
i half grew up on tumblr (from when i was like 13 until i was 18-19) and while the openness in talking about mental health meant that i got to recognize my symptoms as depression and anxiety and ask for the help i needed https://twitter.com/moonliiiies/status/1291815346329071618">https://twitter.com/moonliiii...
tw suicide, self harm //
i half grew up on tumblr (from when i was like 13 until i was 18-19) and while the openness in talking about mental health meant that i got to recognize my symptoms as depression and anxiety and ask for the help i needed https://twitter.com/moonliiiies/status/1291815346329071618">https://twitter.com/moonliiii...
when things got too bad it also made it so i thought that living with my terrible mental state and unhealthy, (literally) self-harming coping mechanisms was something i was just going to do for the rest of my life because âwho am i if iâm not depressed/anxious/mentally ill?â
i was just today thinking back on how tumblr was at that time, how in bandom (which was the fandom i was in) there was always someone who tried to kill themselves weekly. it was almost like a game at the time. âwho is it gonna be this week? who is gonna post worrying âventsâ and
what number of police are we going to have to call? does anyone know their family and can ask for them to be checked on?â
it was so fucked up, thinking in retrospect. for me it was normal. suicide scares were a weekly thing, just a normal part of being on tumblr with countless
it was so fucked up, thinking in retrospect. for me it was normal. suicide scares were a weekly thing, just a normal part of being on tumblr with countless
other mentally ill teens. we all knew we could be the next suicide scare and it wasnât worrying or upsetting. thatâs just how it was.
it fucking terrifies me how accepted that was. how *expected*. you were bound to be a suicide scare one day, because thatâs just how things were
it fucking terrifies me how accepted that was. how *expected*. you were bound to be a suicide scare one day, because thatâs just how things were
we werenât thinking about getting better or trying to get help because we were all convinced we were hopeless. that we would never get better.
and we didnât want to, either. if you werenât âmentally illâ anymore (forgetting that a lot of mental illnesses arenât cured, but
and we didnât want to, either. if you werenât âmentally illâ anymore (forgetting that a lot of mental illnesses arenât cured, but
managed), then you werenât part of the clique. you werenât a fucked up, disaster tumblr teen.
so instead of encouraging each other to get better, to do what was within our power to heal, we just let each other hurt ourselves and pet ourselves on the back after the weekâs
so instead of encouraging each other to get better, to do what was within our power to heal, we just let each other hurt ourselves and pet ourselves on the back after the weekâs
suicide scare and said âdonât drink so much next time. donât cut so deep. donât take so many pills.â
we said âyou can do it again, because itâs SO hard to live like this and you deserve to cope however you need, but learn where the edge is and just donât cross it.â
we said âyou can do it again, because itâs SO hard to live like this and you deserve to cope however you need, but learn where the edge is and just donât cross it.â
until, ultimately, some of us *did* cross it.
i didnât lose any of my close friends back then to suicide, but it was close. and i know there were people who *did* lose their friends.
and it was all because tumblr used to preach anti-recovery, in the disguise of mental health
i didnât lose any of my close friends back then to suicide, but it was close. and i know there were people who *did* lose their friends.
and it was all because tumblr used to preach anti-recovery, in the disguise of mental health
positivity. it molded us as we grew up and itâs been fucking hard to unlearn that shit.
it took me until i was almost 18 to ask for medication, because i was still scared it was going to âchange meâ and i wasnât going to âbe meâ anymore.
it took me until i was almost 18 to ask for medication, because i was still scared it was going to âchange meâ and i wasnât going to âbe meâ anymore.
i didnât realize i had internalized depression and anxiety and unhealthy coping mechanisms as core qualities of what made me *me* until a few years ago, and that i had based some of my worth around that. that i wasnât looking to be happy for so many years because i thought being
happy wasnât being me. and therefore being happy was wrong.
idk where iâm going with this anymore lol but iâve been very depressed lately and reading this thread just dug up some truly terrible memories and i felt like i needed to get it off my chest.
idk where iâm going with this anymore lol but iâve been very depressed lately and reading this thread just dug up some truly terrible memories and i felt like i needed to get it off my chest.
iâm not happy yet. i still donât have terribly healthy coping mechanisms. i still havenât worked through all of my problems.
but iâm not scared to do so anymore.
things have gotten easier. iâve unlearned things throughout the past few years and iâm going to be doing so for
but iâm not scared to do so anymore.
things have gotten easier. iâve unlearned things throughout the past few years and iâm going to be doing so for
a long time yet, maybe forever. but thatâs ok.
recovery isnât a life-altering pinpoint moment because it doesnât happen in the snap of a finger.
recovery is a process. itâs catching yourself five years down the line not doing that self-harming tic anymore, not thinking that
recovery isnât a life-altering pinpoint moment because it doesnât happen in the snap of a finger.
recovery is a process. itâs catching yourself five years down the line not doing that self-harming tic anymore, not thinking that
self-deprecating thought anymore. itâs realizing that life is still though to live, but that itâs just a tiny bit easier because youâve put in the work to make it so.
recovery is *wanting* to be better, and working towards it, even when itâs hard. *especially* when itâs hard.
recovery is *wanting* to be better, and working towards it, even when itâs hard. *especially* when itâs hard.
recovery is worth it.
take it from a reformed anti-recovery tumblr teen who has been a suicide scare before.
itâs terribly hard to unlearn all of that, but itâs worth it.
take it from a reformed anti-recovery tumblr teen who has been a suicide scare before.
itâs terribly hard to unlearn all of that, but itâs worth it.
