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There’s a true story I know of a woman who had five children under ten. After years of not working because her husband wouldn’t allow, she finally managed to get a job in the industry she worked in and adored before her marriage. She was so excited. 1/11
She would make her own money to top up the meagre allowance he gave her for groceries and the children. His new Porsche Cayenne sat on the driveway as a reminder of how *HE* decided to spend money HE earned. HE reminded her regularly it was HIS money.
She explained it was one day a week on Sundays. The Husband could take care of the children while she went to work. The shift was 0700-1500. The Wife would be home to cook dinner, feed the family, bathe and put the children to bed. It was perfect. It would pay £75 a shift.
The Husband told her he needed help looking after the children. He couldn’t do the early morning start on a Sunday after having worked all week. He needed another pair of hands and said she could only work on 2 conditions.
1) if she hired an au pair to help him.
1) if she hired an au pair to help him.
2) the money she earned HAD to pay for the help.
The au pair cost £65. So desperate for a few hours where The Wife wasn’t a mother and spouse, she agreed. There was the preparation of breakfast before she left at 0600 every Sunday.
The au pair cost £65. So desperate for a few hours where The Wife wasn’t a mother and spouse, she agreed. There was the preparation of breakfast before she left at 0600 every Sunday.
This arrangement worked for a few months. The Wife would return at around 1545 and immediately start cooking dinner, ironing uniforms, washing the dishes piled up from the day. Play time, bath time, bed time.
All the while, The Husband was in a mood. Spurred on by her new release The Wife didn’t care. Even on that Sunday when she saw the au pair and The Husband share a cigarette outside the house as she pulled up, or the time when everyone was playing with water pistols in the garden
and she heard the joyous screams of her playing children from the front door. No one noticed The Wife from the kitchen window while they were racing around the lawn but she noticed how The Husband was deliberately targeting the au pair with water and how her t shirt was soaked.
Months later, he gave her an ultimatum. The Husband had noticed how much she looked forward to Sundays. He told The Wife the children were suffering in her absence. They were falling behind at school and berated her in neglecting her motherly ‘duties’.
The Husband told her, ‘give up working or I will divorce you’. She had no money, no support, no choice. She called her boss on Monday, made up a lame excuse and resigned.
I tell this story to highlight coercive control and economic abuse.
This report today from @CooperativeBank and @RefugeCharity is a necessary read for everyone. Know and recognise the signs.
#KnowEconomicAbuse
https://www.co-operativebank.co.uk/assets/pdf/bank/aboutus/ethicalpolicy/financialabuse/know-economic-abuse-report.pdf
This report today from @CooperativeBank and @RefugeCharity is a necessary read for everyone. Know and recognise the signs.
#KnowEconomicAbuse
https://www.co-operativebank.co.uk/assets/pdf/bank/aboutus/ethicalpolicy/financialabuse/know-economic-abuse-report.pdf
