thinking about really how the way i grew up molded me and i haven’t realized these things until recently

i spent so long trying to hide that i was poor from people and friends and felt so ashamed and tried so hard to feel like i was one of them but have always been aware of differences

college is so hard because i literally wasn’t even able to go to high school regularly and actually learn

it makes me so upset to think how i would miss school in high school a lot and i would always get shit on for it or people act like it was for nothing and i didn’t even understand how a person my age shouldn’t have been going through what i was

like i couldn’t even articulate that to people because i didn’t understand it yet so i just always felt like a piece of shit but it’s so crazy that that’s how that is

or how i never had people to my house because i was ashamed of it

like very crazy to realize these things as an adult and with more education and perspective on the world it’s very sad i wish i could give my younger self a hug and my poor mother a hug and tell her she is doing all she can

i literally can’t imagine the fucking stress and suffering my mom went through trying to make ends meet for us and how horrible she felt and then to do that all while literally dying and still taking care of us

it’s so sad that is the realities of our country so so sad my heart aches for all the people who go through this because it’s most of us