Unpopular opinion comin up: Today would’ve been my friend’s birthday but she died almost 8 years ago. But that’s not the point to this post. The point is, I didn’t remember. I’m not great with dates and I simply didn’t remember. But people felt the need to remind me...

Starting last night people I’m not close with felt the need to check in on me. And remind me. And remind me that in a few months it will be the anniversary of her death. And throughout the day people reached out. Someone even said “you haven’t posted about Jess”

And I raced to Instagram to post about Jess! Because I was guilted into grieving publicly. And this might just be that I’ve had a fucking day. Or this might just be that I’m annoyed my friend is dead. But here’s a thought... don’t remind me.

I loved her. She was my best friend. But I don’t plan on spending the rest of my life awaiting dates so I can reopen a wound. Oh no, it would have been her birthday and oh no this was her favorite holiday and oh no, remember when you got that phone call that she was dead?

I just can’t live my life like that. And yeah, she loved attention so she’d get a kick out of this. But she wouldn’t want me to relive it. So please, don’t reach out to anyone unprovoked and tell them you’re so sorry this horrible thing happened years ago.

I think about her all the time. I will never forget her. Ever. But honestly? I wouldn’t mind if I did a little. Because missing someone who’s death still confuses you is fucking brutal.

I look forward to the day when someone asks how long ago she died and I can’t remember right away.
Let me do the math.
Let me get to a place where I have to estimate it.

Why is moving forward considered forgetting someone? She’s tattooed in my mind. But I need to let it fade a bit. And while I’m sure people have the best intentions, don’t remind me I forgot to suffer today. Life is brutal enough.