I've seen a lot of folks describing what their ADHD is like. I've seen it described as trudging through mud, envelopes left unopened, and GIANT DOOMSDAY BUGS READY TO POUNCE ISN'T DONE.

But that's not really what it's like for me and, as I sit down to write, I feel the struggle

For the most part, I feel like I do a decent job regulating myself (as much as I can without access to medication). I have routines that keep me in line, I have spots that help me remember where I put things down, and I bull my way through most mental obstacles.

But I still struggle. Trying to start a task is like reaching for a dollar held up in front of me by a fishing line. If I'm not quick enough, it darts away from me and I can't get going. Some days I can catch and start no problem. Other days its harder. Some days, it's impossible

I try my best to chase down that dollar, but it's so much harder than it needs to be. I've tried so many tricks to get going. I eat a snack, I listen to music, I figure out ways to transition into the right mindset to catch it, and sometimes they work.

But why put in all of that work for a dollar? Why spend all that time catching a dollar only for it to turn into pennies and have to use my night collecting coins?

I wish I had access to affordable diagnosis. I wish I had access to medication. I wish I wasn't constantly fighting my own brain so I could FINISH THIS DAMN BOOK. When Salvation is complete, it will be in spite of ADHD, not because it "makes me creative".

Even this thread is just another symptom of me chasing what's stimulating to my brain right at this moment than a desire to actually comment on my mental illness.

But it's done now, and I'm going to find a way to parlay this into productive writing, so there ya go.