tw // eating disorder

wwx who has extreme anxiety that gives him worlds worst nausea causing him to skip meals. which means all of his clothes slip dangerously from his body.

he doesn't like shirts so often his pants fall quite dangerously low and lwj can't tear his eyes away

It's day 3 of the world's worst nausea episode wwx's had in years. He's been able to stomach about 3 bites of every meal before getting so absolutely queasy he had to stop eating or risk painful heaving in the bathroom.

that's cool, this is cool, he thinks

nothing out of the ordinary. he's dealt with miserable nausea since he was a teenager. used to get him so bad in sophmore year of HS he'd have to hop off the bus multiple times before he made a very public display he wouldn't want others to see.

it's cool, he got home eventually

and it's just kinda....been like that, for as long as he remembers, so it's whatever. he deals with it, like he deals with everything else. (by totally brushing it under the rug--anyway).

well, it's been a rough 3 days

and the thing about not eating for 3 days means you drop weight. and when you're already a skinny minny, those pounds are quite noticeable, and well missed. the most annoying part, is that wwx's goddamn pajama pants constantly slide down. all 3 pairs he owns

he keeps having to hike them up but he pulled all the adjustable strings off years ago bc he was tired of them getting tangled up in the wash.

well, that's where he is, this fine, sunday morning. groggily wanders down the hallway to the kitchen in search of coffee

he's shirtless, bc shirts were invented by the enemy, and they're itchy and he hates them.

lwj's already up of course, this is wwx's early day but it's already 8am, lwj's been up for hours.

wwx rubs his eyes, 'mornin lan zhan'

lwj glances over his shoulder
'morning wei ying'

lwj's looking at wwx kind of....oddly. wwx begins wrangling his messy hair into some semblance of a bun to get it out of the way. drawing attention to the lean stark lines of his ribs + hips, and his oh flat stomach.

his pajama pants are caught dangerously low on his hips

and i mean, underwear was also created by someone evil, so wwx goes without those at home too, he's meant to be comfiest in his own space! sue him!

dark hair peaks out from the hem of the pants. lwj snaps his eyes back to wwx's face.

'wei ying. you're too thin'

wwx blinks at him.
'like, sexy thin?'

lwj shakes his head.
'no. malnourished thin. have you been eating properly?'

wwx averts his eyes.
'oh. haha, yeah. of course. me and food are best buddies, why would you think otherwise?'

pointedly, lwj drags his eyes down the sharp lines of wwx's body. normally, wwx would love the attention, but he's feeling a bit seen right now. he shifts uncomfortably.

'lan zhan, i simply don't know what you mean.'

he strides into the kitchen

he reaches up on his tippy toes to grab the coffee beans in the cabinet and suddenly--he's dizzy--super dizzy. comes with the territory of not being able to stomach anything for a few days.

he sways, catching himself forward on the countertop, and hanging his head low

his vision swims around behind his eyelids pressed shuts. it's like...what static sounds like, but if you were looking at it. little squirmy lines, all grey and black and spinning.

lwj is next to him in an instant.
'wei ying?'

wwx's eyes are still pressed shut

he waves a hand to vaguely reassure his friend, he's fine he's fine. it's nothing new.

'ah sorry lan zhan, just got dizzy for a second there'

he peels his eyes open finally and lwj's eyes are fully of worry. ah what pretty eyes, they shouldn't be filled with worry!

'do you often get dizzy?' lwj asks.

wwx blinks at him, debating avoiding the topic.
'um. yeah sometimes'

and i mean. it is only sometimes. the dizziness isn't the main thing. it's just all rolled up into one big ball of what happens when you don't eat properly

and it's not like he doesn't /want/ to eat. he wants to eat so fucking badly. but the second he thinks about food his stomach nopes out. it's just better he doesn't think about it at all. and then he ends up avoiding meals bc it's easier that way.

and then after a few meals he feels like a newborn deer standing up fresh out of the womb. all wobbly, and light, and barely there, bc he really is, barely there at this point.

he gets so weak he can barely lift himself from bed, but he still has work, he still has school

so he goes. he has to, it's not really a choice. and hopefully he can distract himself enough where he can stomach a meal without wanting to throw it back up.

it works sometimes, and other times it doesn't. and right now, it's not working. he /can't/ eat

and boy /that/ doesn't help him, once he starts admitting he can't eat it gets even worse. the idea of food becomes so repulsive he can barely stand it. can't even listen to people talk about it before his world starts spinning again.

lwj is looking at him, he knows that. but he feels like his limbs suddenly weigh 85 pounds.

'lan zhan, could you reach that for me?' he asks.

lwj does.
'will you allow me to cook you breakfast?' lwj asks.

wrong question, wwx's stomach flips. the static is back

'oh, i really--haha--really dont think that's a good idea' wwx says, trying to take breaths, but his stomach twists violently.

lwj runs a hand down wwx's back, that's nice.
'tell me what you need?'

wwx breaths out a shaky breath.
'i need coffee so i can tell you what i need'

wwx's got a complicated method for making coffee in the morning, and lwj knows nothing of it, so he hovers, handing him everything requested and offering support when possible.

coffee's made and wwx slinks into the couch, bringing the mug up close to his face and breathing

for some reason, the smell of coffee never once nauseated him, so he inhales deep, knowing the bean juice shall provide him with the wakeup chemicals.

he sips it slowly, and lwj waits, in silence, next to him.

when he's done, he turns.
'lan zhan, i'm so fucking hungry'

lwj does a lil of this bc he literally /just/ offered to make breakfast

'wei ying i--'

'but i can't fucking eat anything' wwx cuts him off.

lwj tilts his head.

'i've got really, really bad nausea. it's probably caused by my out of this world anxiety or whatever' he waves a hand.
'but the point is--i. can. not. eat. anything'

'just the thought of it is enough to make my stomach do this god awful thing i'd never be able to explain. i want to eat, but i can't' oof this is a lot of energy to be expending.

'oh' lwj says, then he nods. and then he gets up, leaving wwx to gape from alone on the couch

'lan zhan?' wwx calls, but lwj's left the room. his stomach drops even further. okay well that he was not expecting at all. did he...gross lwj out or something? oh gods that's it isn't it? lwj is so repulsed by wwx's queasy existence he has no choice but to move out right now--

lwj returns with his laptop tucked under his arm and plops back down like he didn't just leave wwx to spiral.

wwx blinks back stinging eyes.
'hey lan zhan, maybe like, not...leave me without saying anything'

there must be something in his tone bc lwj snaps his head up

'i went to retrieve my laptop' lwj says, showing the laptop in a show of good faith.

'yeah but--i didn't know that' wwx finishes, feeling oddly silly now, he turns his head away.

lwj turns it back
'i apologize. will alert wei ying next time. i thought we could research'