An American version of Willy Wonka is just a whimsical chocolate Jeff Bezos. https://twitter.com/pilau/status/1315990633883078659

Seriously, Willy Wonka is a British imperialist who enslaves an entire race of African pygmies.

The Oompa Loompas weren’t orange until the 1971 Gene Wilder film.

And Wonka enslaves them, which puts every Oompa Loompa song in the same genre as “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.”

Wonka then uses slave labor to break the back of his union workforce, so that he can pay the Oompa Loompas in chocolate.

Now, Wonka claims that the Oompa Loompas like being paid in chocolate.

Y’know, like Amazon employees love being on food stamps

But if you fall that easily for the charms of an unreliable narrator, please do not read Lolita.

Wonka also has a pay-to-win contest to get a tour of his factory, so the Wonka Factory has the same admissions process as an Ivy League school.

Little known fact:
In the book, you either buy a Golden Ticket or get recruited by the rowing team.

But let’s talk about the Wonka Factory, which is absolutely not up to OSHA code. What with people drowning in chocolate rivers and getting turned into candy on a regular basis.

Wonka, for his part, is completely nonchalant about these safety violations. As if the FDA had tested the long-term health effects of turning into a blueberry.

(And if they have, I doubt they had enough people for a normal sample size.)

Instead of taking the blame for his malfeasance, like any good CEO, Wonka gets a golden parachute and hands his factory off to this kid and his poverty-stricken family right when it’s about to be hit with a TON of personal injury lawsuits.

Side-note: Willy Wonka is a one percenter who sells diabetes for a living.

He’s essentially a kid friendly Joe Camel.

And—this can’t be reiterated enough—WILLY WONKA ENSLAVED AN ENTIRE RACE OF AFRICAN PYGMIES.

Willy Wonka is the wet dream of unregulated capitalism. He is a Randian fantasy. He is the undisputed villain of the book.

So if you take anything from this thread, it’s that Willy Wonka is just a whimsical, chocolate Jeff Bezos.