World Mental Health Day: A thread
Tw: mental health, disordered eating

First off, I know I'm late to the party here! I've just not known what to say. This probably won't make a lot of sense but I wanted to say some things about mental health and start a conversation (1/n)

I wanted to write something on World Mental Health Day but couldn't find the words. Where would I start?

For me, the first thing is to be honest. I have mental health problems. I have co-morbid depression and anxiety which for the longest time was treatment resistant.

I've dealt with this for over a decade, but it got worse after the death of my dad in 2017. I chose not to declare my mental health issues to my work, because I didn't want to be judged. There still exists such a stigma about mental health and I didn't want to be seen as

different or incapable. But it also means you close yourself off to being supported. This is still a massive issue with mental health, and one I don't see changing anytime soon, unfortunately.

My PhD is moving forward, I'm getting data and making progress. I feel fulfilled in what I'm doing. But trying to do a PhD when you have mental health issues is exhausting. You constantly undervalue yourself and your abilities. I find myself reading and re-reading every email

for fear of upsetting someone. I apologise for everything, because I constantly feel like an idiot who asks irritating questions which are blindingly obvious. Every day I feel like I let my supervisors down and that I'm just a lost cause who fluked her way onto the program.

My colleagues see a happy, outgoing, confident if slightly neurotic individual. Very few see the person who relies on medication just to get through the day. The person who has been in therapy twice since starting their PhD. The person who has had issues with weight control

and other destructive behaviours who has had to fight every day to seem 'normal'. And for what? What did it achieve? All I did was close myself off to help.

This is a really big thing for me to come out and say. I'm doing a lot better these days, but I'm still terrified to tell people I have issues with my mental health, even more so here where I have academic colleagues, family and friends who know me. ...

But there needs to be a more transparent discussion around mental health and I preach this all the time. It makes me a bit hypocritical to not do the same. So in a world where nothing is normal and tensions are running high, if you're struggling know that you're not alone.

Bite the bullet, and get the help you deserve. Whether it be professional help, or just opening up to a friend over a coffee. Getting help is the best thing I ever did. Academics, support your grad students. Take the time to let them know the things they're doing well and

the progress they're making. Also remember that just because someone is doing well academically doesn't meant they're not struggling. Essentially just be kind to each other. The world is a lot to bear right now and we all need to lift each other up... (End)

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