RANT ALERT I know #WorldMentalHealthDay has come and gone but I was busy, don’t @ me. I retweeted something about how frustrated I get by “just talk” messages without the support available once we have talked. Thought I’d share my experiences. 1/ https://twitter.com/matthaig1/status/1315963030597926914

Going to try and remember this as accurately as possible but it’s been about 18 months so there may be some recall difficulties or inaccuracies.

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for about 8 years. It took me a long time to seek help. 2/

In 2017/18, my anxiety was uncontrollable, to the point where I was barely functioning and would come home & cry every day. I was didn’t want medication (anti-depressants have helped me a lot since then. But at the time, I felt like I was “failing” by taking them.) 3/

I was referred to counselling by my GP. After months on a waiting list, I was offered either group sessions which I think were like classroom lectures, or 1-1 CBT every fortnight for half an hour. I’ll repeat: *every fortnight for half an hour.* 4/

Needless to say, I took very little from those 1-1 sessions. I should add, I know CBT does an awful lot for some. I’m not slamming it. But it was plainly obvious that the intervention was too low level to be of much use *for me*. 5/

During this period, I had quite a severe panic attack and was taken to A&E by my parents. After waiting for ages, the doctor sent me home with diazepam. No other support offered as far as I can recall. 6/

I did eventually start taking anti-depressants at some point in 2018. After a rough settling in period, they did me a world of good. I’m conscious that isn’t everyone’s experience, but it was mine.
7/

I’m pretty open about my suicide attempt in 2019. I had just started seeing a private therapist on the recommendation of my flatmate but had yet to properly settle into therapy.

I was admitted to hospital and kept overnight. 8/

I was told the community mental health team would see me. I remember mum laughing because “team” makes it seem like an army of qualified professionals are going to descend to fix things. In the end, it was one bloke of dubious qualifications who came to see me. 9/

We talked about my MH history, and I think the recommendation was basically for me to carry on doing what I was doing (I.e. private therapy and meds). Cool. I waited all day for that meeting and was threatened with being sectioned if I left without having it. It was useless. 10/

Said MH professional flagged up that I may be struggling with emotionally unstable personality disorder. My GP referred me to a specialist unit to be assessed. Still not totes sure what happened to that referral. I think my mum got a letter months and months later 11/

About a week after the OD attempt, I was feeling very suicidal and depressed. I called the crisis team but a switchboard issue meant I kept getting passed around and put in a queue. These are the messages I sent to my best friend (swearing redacted loll) 12/

My mum took me to A&E because I wanted to be voluntarily admitted - I couldn’t be sure that I wouldn’t try to kill myself again. I was assessed by a medical professional who then said I had to wait to be assessed by the MH team. We waited for hours. 13/

I can’t remember precisely what happened but after waiting for hours with no prospect of help or relief, I stormed out saying something to the effect of if anything happens to me, it’s your fault. (Typical dramatic Malvika but WHERE’S THE LIE THOUGH). 14/

I had my mum there as support at the hospital when I needed her. But I shudder to think what could have happened if I wasn’t living at home, didn’t have her, and endured that alone. 15/

I distinctly remember my mum saying: “look we’ll have to go private, they are not going to help us.”

I’m v privileged. I have a good job. My parents could financially support me at the time. I could afford to get psychiatrically assessed by a private psychiatrist. 16/

I can afford private therapy. My heart aches for those who don’t have that option and who continue to be passed around by services that are supposed to help them but are too overworked and under-funded to be of any use at all. 17/

Fast forward 18 months, I’m doing really well. I’m still taking medication. My therapist is a legend. I got a cat who hates me but does my mental health a world of good. But I got there not because of MH support from the NHS, but despite it. 18/

I love the NHS. I think our healthcare system does so much, especially in these difficult times. But our public mental health services are not good enough.

So please stop telling people to “just talk” without having the support in place to be able to respond. End rant.