Read on Twitter
ok so... hello. my name& #39;s klavier. i& #39;m autistic, and day6 has been my special interest for about 6 months. if it& #39;s ok, i want to tell you about how this whole experience has been for me.
you are free to reply/reblog this thread, but don& #39;t qrt unless you& #39;re neurodivergent.
you are free to reply/reblog this thread, but don& #39;t qrt unless you& #39;re neurodivergent.
first, i want to share the irony of this whole thing: when it was all going down, i couldn& #39;t understand what he said wrong. his tweet about sarcasm - he called it a language? sarcasm isn& #39;t a language. so i assumed i& #39;d misunderstood the tweet and ignored it.
when he responded to someone and said he was nd, i just got excited! bc jae is neurodivergent like me! i couldn& #39;t read the tone of his reply - that the person he was replying to was criticising him, that he was responding angrily. missed that. went over my head. bc i& #39;m autistic.
so you can imagine how confused and terrified i was when suddenly everyone was furious at him. when he made the tweet about cancel trains i thought he was talking about the jyp thing from the other day at first, and then people were calling him ableist and i didn& #39;t know why.
once i& #39;d figured out the full story, here was what i was upset about:
1. that he& #39;d doubled down when people called him out, which made me feel like he didn& #39;t care about ppl like me.
2. that people were talking about unstanning/going ot4. that terrified me.
1. that he& #39;d doubled down when people called him out, which made me feel like he didn& #39;t care about ppl like me.
2. that people were talking about unstanning/going ot4. that terrified me.
day6 is my special interest! i can& #39;t turn that off! if jae was going to be cancelled and people who listened to him branded ableist, was i going to be ableist for liking him still? was i a bad autistic person for not wanting to drop him immediately? for empathising with him?
i was scared to go on twitter because i react extremely emotionally to people criticising my interests. and the entire tl was criticising my interests.
i was upset at him but i was also - still am - upset at how aggressively some non-nd people came for him.
i was upset at him but i was also - still am - upset at how aggressively some non-nd people came for him.
you are allowed to educate. you& #39;re allowed to be irritated or frustrated at him. but the people who were hurling abuse at him who weren& #39;t even nd themselves? that made me feel like you were using me and my struggles to attack something i care about. fuck you for that.
i decided to "accept" jae& #39;s twitter apology because it signalled that i could start to talk about jae again. not talking about my special interest was HARD. truthfully i was still hurt, the apology didn& #39;t feel like enough.
the truth is being nd on stan twitter sucks sometimes. there are times i need tone indicators and times they feel patronising. sometimes i have to do the internet equivalent of smiling and nodding because i& #39;m too embarrassed to explain i don& #39;t get the joke/not sure it& #39;s a joke.
sometimes being nd in real life sucks, too. particularly at my job, which i got by disclosing my diagnosis and then reassuring them i wouldn& #39;t need any special accommodations besides being allowed to work part time.
so while this whole experience has been awful and stressful, i& #39;m hopeful there& #39;ll be some good from it. people are examining their own ableism. i got to hear my kpop boy tell his audience of thousands about my daily lived experience and acknowledge my struggle. (yes, i cried.)
i need him to prove through his actions he means it now. and i need stan twitter to prove they actually care about neurodivergent people and not just about getting to cancel someone for being ableist.
