Somewhere in the greater Cupertino area, two men have woken up early, quietly looking in their closets, trying to not wake up their families.

Phil is looking for the perfect monotone shirt, considering matching the color palette of the new iPhone.

Meanwhile, just a few miles away, Joz clicks on the disco ball lamp in his closet, admiring his collection of patterned shirts. From paisley to Hawaiian, he has plenty of options.

His Apple Watch taps him. It’s Tim. “I’ve just finished my morning half marathon. Thinking about you. Big day! Good luck with the shirts.”

Joz taps out a reply. “Thanks, boo.”

He meant “boss,” but assumes Tim will blame Siri like everyone else does.

Plot twist: this all happened weeks ago for the filming of today’s event.

Except for the morning half marathon. That’s always true.

Today, the group iMessage thread will fall silent after Eddy once again invites everyone over to watch the event from his hot tub.