I have spent the 3 last hours of my life trying to describe how Hua Cheng's love makes Dianxia feel and I still dont have All the words I think this love is truly beyond words

I have like general ideas of how I wanna describe it like

"You never kiss me lightly." As in: for you kisding me is never a trivial thing.

"You make me feel like I'm the most important thing in the world. No, you never make me think of the rest of the world. You make me feel

like I'm Your world."

But important is not the word. But I dont have a word. Cherished? Valued? Relevant? Holy? Precious? Loved? The only thing that matters?

"I feel like I'm ascending all over again solely because I matter to you. I matter so much, and the world is just you

and me, and the truth mingles. I matter to you, and suddenly I feel like I matter too. I feel like I'm your world, and I've never felt greatest, not even under the devotion of millions."

I want to express the idea that is overwhelming, how much Hua Cheng loves him.

I have this idea on my mind of Hua Cheng just kissing him all over, not necessarily in a sexual way, and Xie Lian feeling overwhelmed because if how much emotion Hua Cheng puts into it.

Because Hua Cheng /is/ full of emotion. Because Hua Cheng is experiencing his fullest joy when he gets to kiss and cuddle and caress and hug and hold Xie Lian.

And Xie Lian perceives that. And it's overwhelming to be certain of how being loved and shown affection is what brings

the greatest joy to your partner.

Especially for Xie Lian, someone who's not used to being even slightly respected in his daily life for 800 years, this level of devotion is overwhelming.

I also want to express the idea of how it's not one-sided, but feedbacks constantly.

Like, yea, Hua Cheng is giving. He's giving Xie Lian his devotion and affection and love and he's worshipping him. Xie Lian is receiving this overwhelming affection, and he's feeling

In ecstasy about it.

Xie Lian has a long way to go to love himself and accept himself and forgive himself, and in the meantime, this is the only thing that comes close to recognize that he /matters/. He's been love starved for so long and he's being fed with the

highest quality of love —unconditional love— and in industrial quantities.

But it's not just Hua Cheng giving and him receiving. It's the other way around too.

Hua Cheng is also love starved, and he longs for being loved but he also longs strongly for being allowed to love.

So just by allowing him to love him and shower him with his love, Hua Cheng is already receiving. He's, again, In his fullest joy when he can love Xie Lian.

Bringing someone to his fullest joy it's not a small thing.

But it doesn't stop there, cuz Xie Lian can also feel

like he's not just receiving. He can feel that Hua Cheng is giving all of him but he's also mad-happy about it, and there's also something very powerful about knowing that you made someone happy.

I think Xie Lian would have trouble accepting love as any starved organism has

trouble accepting too much food, but I think it also brings him joy to know how happy Hua Cheng is to be by his side. I think he understands that he's not just receiving, even if he deep down feels like he has not much to offer, he sees the effect that he has on Hua Cheng and

that makes accepting love a lot easier.

So in a sense, Hua Cheng is both giving and receiving when he loves Xie Lian.

There's a cuddly scene in my mind all the time so to illustrate it I'll say that he is giving him kisses but he also /gets to kiss him/.

And then there's

Xie Lian's reaction.

He shivers with every caress skin-to-skin. He holds him tighter with every kiss. He's clenching at his robes to keep him close. His body is obediently letting Hua Cheng's handle him as he wishes.

If Hua Cheng wants to kiss his neck, he lifts his chin to

give better access. If Hua Cheng wants to intertwin their legs, he doesn't resist and lets it lay between his with ease.

If Hua Cheng is trailing kisses from his forehead to his jaw, he slowly moves his face around in sync with him.

If Hua Cheng pulls his waist closer, he

archs his back.

Xie Lian is giving himself away for Hua Cheng to take him. It seems like he's just receiving, but giving away control? Control of his own body? When Xie Lian's body in other people's hands has always been nothing but trashed?

And Xie Lian is glad to give. To give himself away to Hua Cheng because Hua Cheng is so happy to take him. And that's also giving away his trust. He's giving Hua Cheng his vulnerability, also. He's breaking down his every wall for him, and he feels safe.

Because everytime he breaks down his Walls to Hua Cheng, he does nothing but to worship and love him.

He's vulnerable and he's safe at the same time and that feeling is so foreign but at the same time it's the best thing he has ever felt.

And it has no end with Hua Cheng.

"You handle my body like I'm holy. You make me feel like I'm truly holy, sacred."

This thread was supposed be a way for me to not forget the few words that I have found but I remember thinking

"You make me feel whole" and "You make me feel brand new" ans I don't have a feeling description for them but I'll leave them here