I usually don't talk about health stuff but after having a particularly bad panic attack today I thought I'd talk a little bit about the experience and some of the challenges with having panic disorder and trying to function (thread) -

One misconception about panic disorder is that it is essentially just a fear response. Many people only experience those feelings only when under stress, or scared, or in situations like public speaking. So it's understandable why that is an assumption.

But in many cases, there can be no reason for panic attacks, or at least not explicable in the sense of having a psychological trigger. It just sort of happens. There can be other health conditions that induce a panic attack. Or a mixture of lifestyle or environmental conditions.

In my case, I am usually normal and suddenly feel a bit off, dizzy and disoriented, and slowly develop the classic cluster of symptoms. And then at some point get the exacerbation. The racing heart. Feeling like I'm moments from collapsing. A sudden feeling of doom.

The first time it happened was when I was with my partner. I thought I was having a heart attack and going to die. I still am trying to come to terms with how potentially traumatic that is and to what extent the legacy of that first incident has had on my mental health.

The psychological element of panic disorder can also involve a bit of a positive feedback. You start to get terrified it will happen in public, where you will cause a scene, or worse, alone, where nobody will help you. So you start withdrawing and staying inside a lot.

This dynamic is also misunderstood. It's all well and good to understand it is irrational to be scared of triggering an attack. But when your body responds with symptoms you cannot control, it's not possible to 'just calm down' and completely think your way out of a panic attack.

Management of panic disorder can be hard for a lot of reasons. Maybe the main reason is that it's idiopathic. You independently have to learn what conditions make it more or less likely to happen and work more or less on your own to manage those factors around your everyday life.

I found seeking help from GPs very hard. There isn't very good management of idiopathic and debilitating mental health issues like this. Given I don't have any underlying health issues, there's not much GPs can say other than 'you have anxiety'. And I heard that statement a lot.

That isn't to say engaging with the health system wasn't helpful at all. I was prescribed Lexapro which did some very heavy lifting out of probably the darkest period - the first month or so after I started having symptoms. Medications like this can and do save lives.

But basically, the kicker to panic disorder is it's unpredictability. Until today, it had been about three months since I had a major attack, and you end up getting lulled into a false sense of security. Unfortunately it never quite goes away, you just learn to manage it better.

I feel like the best message I can give is that, although it is manageable, these conditions can be fairly invisible and it is hard to recognise the all-consuming impact that they can have on pretty much every dimension of one's quality of life, at different times.

Anxiety and panic are often undermined by some people as hysterical products of the mind that can be easily defused. This stereotype is deeply incorrect and contrasts with the lived experience of people for which these symptoms are a struggle in daily life.

Thanks for reading this thread, I appreciate you taking the time to learn a little about my experiences, and hope you are able to support anyone you know that experiences panic disorder or similar conditions.