[long rant. u may or may not agree with me]

it's actually really simple

we can be disappointed AND still want what's best for them. it's not either-or. it's not black and white. there's a spectrum. understand this.

i can be hurt because taynew didn't do this or did that AND i can still love them in spite and despite all of that. this is valid.

you know what's not valid and is actually more toxic? invalidating our feelings of disappointment and trying to shut us up by guilt-tripping us into thinking we're not doing any good by expressing what we feel.

u see, this disappointment? it's not a product of one missed special event greeting. it's not just a product of spontaneous urge to say we're hurt. it's not.

it came from pent up frustrations and series of dismay.

so this is coming from me who just became a polca this year:

we haven't seen the taynew you are so proud of showing off and rubbing into our faces.

we haven't seen the taynew you talk about that had fun and quirky interactions

we haven't actually seen the taynew you brag about being the bestest of friends and whatever they brand their complex relationship is

countless of times we wished for them. many dates we hoped and hoped to have them greet us. being in this family for quite some time already, we know that what we're hoping for is actually close to impossible.

but we still hoped.

we still hoped to see the taynew you've seen. the taynew we only get to see in throwback videos, archived posts, and deleted tweets.

time and time, we get nothing. but still we stayed. still we're here.

i actually am beyond that stage of hoping. or maybe i still have a little hope. because with the taynew that you've been telling us through your stories, there is hope.

i am actually really grateful for your stories, because i get to know that side of taynew.

but i also want to see the taynew you met and loved. so yes, i am disappointed. i am hurt. i am sad. for hoping for even just a greeting, an acknowledgement. but that doesn't mean i love them any less. that doesn't mean i don't want what's best for them.

saying i am disappointed does not mean i want them to be hurt and feel that i am ungrateful.

call me superficial or what, but as a fan, it actually feels good to be acknowledged, to be celebrated for being with them in their journey, in their anniversaries, in the most mundane event and grandest celebration.

we've been there for each other. why can't we celebrate that?

kindly acknowledge my feelings in its simplicity. in its rawness. because this is what i feel. and no, you don't get to say that i am ungrateful for feeling this way. you don't get to dictate that what i'm feeling is not right. you don't get to invalidate me.

but of course, with these feelings of disappointment, words will be thrown. we should still be mindful of what we say, making sure that we don't hurt others and consciously or unconsciously invalidate them.

we preach about not invalidating our feelings, but we go against that by doing the exact same thing. doesn't make sense, right? may we be kind always in all ways.

i understand you wish the best for them. we do, too. we all do. if you're not disappointed, it's okay. that is valid and i respect that. but please also extend the same courtesy to other people who are hurting.

we are all humans. as much as they can feel sad and hurt, we can also feel the same way. let's stop this culture of accepting every action, or even the lack of it, they give us esp when we know that it's doing harm more than good.

this cycle of being disappointed over them and then putting this feeling aside when they shower us with content is taxing and actually harmful to our mental stability.

they made us the happiest, but they also made us the saddest.

you can acknowledge these feelings. they are valid. you can be happy, you can be sad. you feel what you want to feel. it's okay. and even with those mixed feelings, you can still have that desire to stay and support them.

paradoxical as they may, these feelings are valid.

so please, do not invalidate us.