Let's talk about Borderline stigma. "But why?" You might ask, "all you talk about is BPD stigma here." I talk about it a lot because it matters a lot because it impacts the way that people see me. Today I talk about it because it has negatively affected my healthcare.

I have a story about today. About a new psychiatrist who made huge, incorrect assumptions about who I am as a person, not even 5 minutes into knowing me, just because my chart reads "Borderline Personality Disorder."

Today, I was talking with the new doctor about medication options. He wanted to pull me off a benzo (more on that later.)

I'm not a stranger to the mental healthcare system. I have spent a lot of time on a lot of meds, a lot of time in therapy. I just want a happier life.

So I asked what he would give me instead, because I need an anxiolytic. He kept listing options: options that I had already tried and that just didnt work, options that I had already tried and had to stop because of the side effects. I was transparent about all of this.

I lasted longer than I thought I would without crying. Eventually though, it happened. I cry pretty easily, and I was frustrated. There seemed to be no options left for me.

Once I started crying, things devolved more extremely.

"What's with this? Why are you crying? Are you trying to make me feel bad so I give you what you want? I have your chart here, it says Borderline. This feels like borderline manipulation to me."

I cried involuntarily. I tried to hold it back, I hate crying in front of people.

This doctor had "known" me for about 5 minutes. He didn't know me, but a single diagnostic label made him feel like he did. Enough to accuse me of being manipulative because I'm Borderline. I doubt this would have happened in the same way had BPD not been on my chart.

So, this appointment is going great, clearly. He then asks me about antipsychotics. I personally do not take any antipsychotics because of the side effects. I didn't manage to get that entire sentiment out before I was cut off.

"So you just want to get high, is that it?"

No. And had this doctor listened to me, instead of jumping to assumptions about me based on ONE diagnosis, the appointment would have gone much better. Let me be clear: this was a hostile conversation.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I thought of leaving mid-appointment.

I could continue. It was not a fun appointment. I was told a lot of things that made me feel terrible. I felt like my diagnosis of BPD was being used as justification for the way I was treated.

I could continue, but I won't. For the sake of everyone's privacy.

Here's the takeaway from what I did share. I have BPD, and a doctor who did not know me at all accused me of trying to manipulate him via an emotional response that I tried to fight off. I was accused of trying to game the system to get medications to misuse.

I doubt this would have happened in the same way had I not had BPD on my chart.

I talk about BPD stigma a lot, because no one should have to have the experience I just did.

We deserve respect and a chance to be heard, rather than by default accused.

[End thread]