My religious belief is all Christians should be fed to lions, and I’m bringing my case to a court filled with judges picked specifically to overturn Polycarp vs. Domitian, it’s not that I hate Christians, actually I love them, I just hate their not-being-eaten-by-lions lifestyle.

I just pray that Christians will turn away from their destructive not-getting-eaten-by-lions ways that cause such turmoil in their lives and embrace my God’s plan for them as a feline snack. The fact that they’re protesting me is evidence of how much hate is in their hearts.

One of the worst things a lion trainer, who teaches lions to eat Christians, can be called by an uneaten Christian is anti-Christian. https://twitter.com/scafool5/status/1315838923961241600

Did a lion write this. https://twitter.com/astinto/status/1315844969412915200

I know there are a lot of confused Christian teens who think they don’t want to be eaten by lions, and that’s why I give generously to conversion therapy programs that teach them, through healthy application of scripture, shame, prayer and torture, to desire being eaten by lions.

I’m a very religious baker, and I think that I should be allowed by law to refuse to bake cakes for Christian weddings, unless those weddings involve the party being devoured by at least three and preferably seven lions. My religious freedom should not be trampled by the law.

Now having said all that, there’s no way to know how this judge—who has written extensively about the merits of throwing Christians to lions, calling it “Christian pride”—would rule on a case about forcing Christians to be eaten by lions as the Constitution demands.